White Capsules
by sonicsora
Summary: Lili starts to remember things. Remember things she shouldn't. A data entry clerk at a tech company shouldn't hear plants whispering to her or remember going on psychic spy missions. Lili is starting to wonder if things aren't quite what they should be.
1. Bursts of color

This is a fic that has been kind of sitting around my computer for awhile waiting to be published. Lili Zanotto focused cause she's one of my absolute favorite characters. A gift I've been sitting on for AGES.

I wanted to dabble in some kind of thriller of sorts. Given the fact this is fanfiction, you all know pretty distinctly something is off.

also basic disclaimer: given the title and tags this isn't a slam against medication or therapy. Like at all. Lili is just in a fucked situation where it's being used against her. Hopefully that much will become more obvious as the fic goes on.

###

Her teeth are aching in a familiar sort of way, a way she's learned to quietly despised as she rolls over onto her side. Lili simply presses her fingers against her lips, resisting her urge to push past her lips and touch her teeth. For now she calms herself by licking at the inside of her mouth, tongue tracing the shapes. She counts each tooth, starting again when she manages to lose count. The activity is lulling and easing.

The redhead rolls out of bed, tiredly forcing herself up and away from her bedroom. The walk to her kitchen is a short one, occupied with Lili tracing her hand along the white stuccoed walls of her apartment. The texture against her skin barely registers anymore.

Things are where she left them yesterday. Her mug is in the cabinet, her coffee maker on the countertop, dishes from the night before on the dish rack and her medication set out on the counter. Lili falls into routine, turn on the coffee maker, pull out mug, put away dishes, uncap the bottle and fill a glass of water. She's done this every morning since she came home. They promised stability would help her adjust. After the 'incident', stability was what she needed. She can almost picture her mother's worried pinched expression when she dwells on the incident. The sting guilt of that makes her shake the pills into her hand.

Lili didn't believe them to be honest. She still tasted blood on her teeth and dreamed of crying. The medication didn't dull everything. She still felt things she wasn't supposed to. The doctor and her parents had promised those things would fade in time.

In her own way, Lili relished those bursts of color in her head, the sting of voices murmuring lowly in the back of her mind and low hum of plants talking amongst themselves.

The thought of it makes her pause, eyeing the two white pills in her open palm for a moment. She licks the inside of her teeth again. Lili just stares, golden brown eyes narrowing back at the uniform white capsules resting in her hand.

She drops the pills into the sink and pours the glass out over it. She wants to be alive again, but she wants to live on her own terms. She'll accept the consequences.

###

The rest of the day is good, wonderful, even. Even with the rattling of voices in the back of her mind, she finds herself happier. She can focus on work for once, it isn't a dredge of boredom and staring listlessly at her computer.

Her boss even notices, complimenting her 'pep'. Lili isn't sure why him suddenly saying that bothers her. His compliments usually brighten her day. She can't really understand, nor does she bother to sort through it now, she chirps a 'thank you' in his direction and focuses back on the computer in front of her.

She nearly misses lunch, surprised at the fact she was so engrossed in what she was doing. Lunch actually has taste to it. Lili realize that when she takes a bite from the apple she packed in her bag.

Oddly enough, she also realizes she only has an apple in her bag. Did she really only just bring an apple?

Strange. She pats her pockets, finding enough money to buy a snack bar at least. One of her coworkers sees this and teases her that she'll get fat if she keeps this up.

Lili gives an obliging laugh, it almost an automatic reaction as she speaks, "A lady is allowed to indulge every once in an awhile." It feels strangely wrong when it falls from her lips.

The lithe woman laughs at that, flipping her hair and smiling this toothy sort of smile Lili hates immediately as soon as she sees it. She eats the snack bar with relish once she's alone.

Her trip to her therapist after work is what it always has been. Dr. Gladsun sits on the couch across from her, talking about her condition and medication needs. He always talks, she usually lost half of what he said by the end of a session.

She still loses attention here and there, but for a different reason. Now her mind is trying to understand half of what he says.

'What is my condition?' She wonders, but never says it. Some tumultuous feeling keeps it bound behind her lips as she nods mutely at his words. Her slim hands settled into her lap like her mother had taught her as she listens to him speak.

"Does that make sense, Lili?"

"Of course, Dr. I understand." She says simply back, the voices are muffled, flickering in and out as she smiles at him with her lipstick stained teeth.

###

When she gets home, she cooks herself pasta. Indulging in everything in her small fridge with it's shockingly small amount of contents, she feels hungry. Lili feels like she could gobble up the whole world given the chance.

It's a relief to just eat, to relax and stop needing to sit so stiffly. Not that Lili had realized she was doing that until she stepped through the threshold of her apartment door. She unbuttons her pressed blouse, shedding it in favor of something looser as she works on dinner. Her pencil skirt, heels and stockings are lost as she wanders the house eating.

Now, the taste of artificial pasta sauce is the best thing she's eaten in a very long time.

Lili genuinely can't remember feeling this good. She wonders why between bites.


	2. White & Grey

And chapter 2 is live on ! I already have this and chapter 3 on AO3.

#######

This buoyancy of mood continues through the week as she weans herself off of her medication, she feels ravenous and curious. Little things she never really thought of keep popping into her mind at odd moments.

Though she keeps all of that under wraps, Lili already knows her Dr. wouldn't approve of this. The man is incredibly dry and clinical. During her therapy sessions he's the one who drones on and on about things she couldn't care less about. Isn't she supposed to be the one talking? He should know better.

Her mind is preoccupied else where.

She is wondering if she really made those mugs float earlier in the day or not. Was that purely her imagination? Was that what happened when she didn't take her medication? The 'incident' is a blur in her mind beyond the intense disapproval and disappointment that came as its aftermath.

When she gets home she pours all the pills into her toilet, flushing the bottles worth of medication away. Lili lingers at the toilet watching the water settle for a moment before striding back into the main part of her apartment. The redhead searches for her prescription, she needed to know what exactly she was taking. Lili tears apart the apartment, rifling through whatever paperwork she has. Finding nothing at all just frustrates Lili enough to sit down the floor, glancing over at the plastic potted plant.

"I need a real plant." Her parents always told her only poor people had real plants in their homes. She doesn't care if it makes her seem poor, she'd rather have something real in her apartment. She can't stand the 'tasteful' white stucco walls. She can't stand the black throw rugs and barely used beige furniture. Something real and green would be nice. The fake plant isn't cutting it for her anymore.

###

Her phone rings, rattling on the hook for a long moment before she manages to pick it up.

"Hello?"

"Lilian, I just wanted to let you know I have the refill for your prescription." Her doctor even over the phone has the dryest voice possible. It makes Lili parched from listening. She eyes her sink with some idle desperation. "When you come in for your next appointment I'll give them to you." Likely in another unlabeled bottle. Lili was fairly sure that was illegal somehow.

"Thank you, doctor."

"Be good." With that he hung up. She frowned at the phone uncertainly before placing it back onto the hook. "Lilian... Lilian." The name isn't quite right. She's Lili. Not, _Lilian_. The redhead steps over to the sink, filling up a glass with water as she turns the name over in her head.

Lilian Frances Crenshaw.

Lili.

What was really the difference anyway?

###

After her appointment, Lili swings by a florist shop. After some deliberation she buys a cactus and an air plant. She doesn't know much about plants, so both should be simple enough to not accidentally kill. The florist himself is nice, offering her some basic tips and tricks. His slow explanations leave her irked in a way she can't really explain.

She doesn't know anything about plants, so this is helpful, yet... irritating. She simply smiles throughout every explanation, paying the man and taking her plants with her back onto public transit.

Lili is almost sad when both plants are silent when she brings them home. Maybe her imagination is just running wild the past week or so? Either way she finds a sunny spot for both in her windowsil and quietly names them.

"You're... Razzle." She points to the air plant. Her attention goes to the cactus. "You, well, you're Mia."

Both names feel right.

###

Her bosses hand lingers too long on her shoulder, those fat sausage like fingers settled too close together and too close to her neck as he looks at her.

Lili remembered thinking that expression was pride once, now she isn't sure. It's not anything comforting.

"You did good work today."

"Thank you sir." She pitches her voice to that irritating shrill sound all the women in the office use when addressing him. Unsurprisingly he smiles at it, squeezing her shoulder as he leans in a little closer. She can feel his breath now.

"You keep this up and you'll be getting a raise. Make you parents real proud."

"Oh, thank you, sir." She repeats, not sure what else to say. Lili only knows she's relieved when he leaves. She waits a few minutes more before excusing herself to the bathroom, ducking into a stall to roughly dust off her jacket where his hands had been. Once she's satisfied she exits the stall, her heels click loudly against the tiles underfoot. Something angry settles in her chest as she stares at herself in the mirror. She runs her hands through her limp red hair. Was her hair always this short? It would look better long.

###

Lili wonders why most of her wardrobe is white and grey. Why? The only real 'color' she finds is a black dress, a casual black dress with grey shapes on it. She picks that one, sliding into it reluctantly as she glances up at the clock on the wall.

She has a lunch date with her parents, Lili is vaguely afraid they'll notice she's different. Will they see past her ruse she's been wearing? Will they know she's skipped her medication?

The thought is shunted aside when she tries to shift in the dress, realizing it's grown a little tight in places. The fabric pinches uncomfortably at her hips and sides.

"How big is this anyway?" The past few weeks she's simply slid into clothing and went to work, came home, worked out, ate dinner and went to bed. She slides back out of the dress to check, surprise nearly knocks her off her feet.

Size 0.

"Shit." She breathes, suddenly feeling sick. "I've never been a size zero, how did that-?" She stops mid sentence, realizing something very vital.

She has never been a size zero in her life, and she remembers it clearly. She has always been a size 16. Always.

She's not sure where this sudden recollection comes from, but it's strong enough to make her crumple onto her bed clutching her dress against her body. The terror is only set aside when she realizes she needs to get dressed. She needs to keep up appearances. Her parents are waiting.

Lili realizes she needs to go shopping later. The thought makes her uncomfortable. Usually mother buys things for her. Mother did all the buying whilst Lili simply let it happen. The uncertainty of calling mother and asking her to shop is scary.

Maybe she doesn't have to ask mother...?

###

"Have you gained weight?" The question was simply aghast. Lili had barely sat down at the table and her mother's first words were that. The redhead felt her hand curl into a fist in her lap under the table.

"No, mother." A little irritation crept into her voice without her meaning it to. That much surprised her parents given their expressions. Lili almost felt guilty, almost. She is struggling against a sharp feeling in her chest she can't quite describe in the moment.

"I'm sure your mother is concerned about you." Her father scolded in turn, his light colored eyes focus on her disapprovingly. "No need for that tone, young lady."

A rush of anger burned through her, far more than was needed for something this simple. Lili knew as much. She has to wonder why she's so angry. Lili managed to look admonished outwardly, shuffling away the confusing feelings for simplicity. "My apologies. I'm just sensitive about it."

"As you should be, you're getting fat." With an apology spoken, her mother had settled back into her usual behavior. "I'll order lunch for you. You're clearly overindulging."

"Yes, mother." The menu is taken away from her side of the table entirely by the older woman. All Lili can see of the menu is the logo of the restaurant being partially covered by her mother's manicured fingers.

"It is for your own good, Baby doll." Her father reached out to pat her head obligingly. "Just proves you need the medication your doctor gave you. We want our sedate little sugar blossom back."

"You were so well behaved before…" Her mother trailed off, waving a hand to finish the sentence. "The 'incident'."

"I'm doing what the doctor is telling me to do." She squeaked back at them. "It's helping loads!"

"We know. Too bad the side effects for your medication seem to be weight gain." Her mother sighed lowly, tilting her head back gazing at the ceiling as if asking the heavens why weight gain had to affect her daughter of all people. Her gaze drops back down in time to lock eyes with Lili. "You had a figure people were envious of, now…"

"Don't worry, dearest. I'm sure things will be fine."

"Of course."

The conversation fades into silence then. Lili loses focus as her parents talk amongst themselves, mostly trying to focus on the anger still lingering and working on containing it. Her apparent empty silence doesn't seem particularly odd to her parents as they chat. They don't bother to ask her much of anything, nor acknowledge her presence when the waitress arrives. Her mother orders a salad for both of them. Her father orders a tuna sandwich. Everyone gets water. Lili realizes she wants a coffee when a waiter walks by with a fresh pot in hand to give someone a refill.

The meal continues this way, her father occasionally asks about work or her friends but cuts Lili off midway through her explanation with a simple, "That's nice, sugar blossom."

The nickname makes Lili's stomach lurch uncomfortably. Something about it feels disgusting, hearing it repeated emphasizes as much. Lili sticks to silence turning thoughts over in her head and awkwardly trying to eat the shockingly small serving of salad brought to her. Her parents insist on paying for the meal cooing about her saving up money for some kind of trip. A trip Lili has no recollection of.

By the time the meal ends her mother pats Lili's shoulder gently. "I can tell you're feeling much better! You're acting like your old self again!"

"It's so nice to feel normal again." She states blandly back with a smile. Internally wondering if blank silence was her normal before. They part with hugs exchanged and mother handing her a number for weight watchers.

When Lili gets home she spitefully stuffs her face.


	3. Who?

Since the formatting might be a bit weird without a foreword. Psychic communication is communicated [ _like this]_ and straight up dreams are all italics. On AO3 I use a different marker, but her it's not really showing up. So brackets it is!

#####

Only when she goes through her belongings she finds some vague paperwork for a trip.

"A trip to Honduras?" She questions aloud in confusion. Hidden under a stack of unopened mail on her coffee table is a pamphlet and paperwork for a trip to Honduras. In what she recognizes as her own handwriting are notes about locations, times, places to go and what it will cost. A small hand drawn calendar is mixed in with possible dates she wants to go. Little stars are drawn around certain dates. None that Lili exactly recognizes the importance of.

Lili genuinely did not remember any interest in Honduras. None. Not to mention the fact Honduras is dangerous, much too dangerous for someone to willingly travel there for a happy go lucky vacation. Given the fact her family lived in London it felt out of place.

' _I can't wait to go with Charlie : )!_ ' is written on the back. Lili's licks her teeth uncertainly.

Who the hell is Charlie?

That much prompts Lili to dig through the apartment for anything that could give her some idea. The lack of personal pictures beyond ones of her parents on the mantle don't give the redhead much of an idea of just who this mysterious Charlie is.

The redhead wracks her brain trying to place a face to the name, coming up dry.

"Is my boss Charlie? One of my coworkers?" Lili doesn't exactly remember any 'friends' outside of work. Occasionally random women will join her for lunch and talk over her. None of them were a Charlie as far as she knew. A Clarissa, a Brittany, a Marget and a Bethany all sat with her (well _near_ her) during lunch breaks.

The lack of mediation makes things drop from her head harder than she had thought. Lili chewed on her bottom lip uncertainly, wondering if this had been a bad idea. The redhead drifts towards her bathroom eying the pill bottle on the sink's countertop. Like before the bottle was decidedly unlabeled beyond her name written across the side. She could tell it was her Doctor's handwriting from how shakily written it was.

Lilian Frances Crenshaw.

When she goes to bed she tries to picture Charlie. Instead she pictures a man with maroon colored hair, green eyes and a bright smile that makes her heart flutter.

###

 _His laughter is shockingly quiet, a gentle rush of air against her neck. She turns in the embrace to smile at him. A pair of goggles settled atop his head catch the sunlight as he leans back to share a smile with her. The afternoon air is balmy, but nice._

 _He says something but she can't quite hear him. She opens her mouth to ask him to repeat himself but can't find herself able to. He kisses the shell of her ear and all she can do is relax. Lili feels bonelessly tired and comfortable, more so than she ever has._

 _Lili can tell he's talking from the vibrations she feels from being so close, but she has no idea what he's saying. Everything is a pleasant haze of contentment._

 _"I love you." His voice is as nice as she had hoped._

 _"I love you too, R-"_

Only the sound of her alarm broke the sense of peace. Reality came crashing down over her leaving the redhead staring at her ceiling as her clock buzzes loudly on the nightstand.

The redhead cuts her gaze to the clock, rolling onto her side now with a grimace. She reaches out to smack the clock's button to stop the noises. "Fuck." So much for that.

###

The rest of the week she has disconnected dreams of people she never learns the name of. They all seem real enough Lili wants to google descriptions to find something. Anything would be nice.

At best she remembers the man with the goggles. A woman in an eye searing dress and a man in a turtleneck. Lili tries on her breaks and brief respite on transit to focus on them and get a better mental image. At best she remembers bursts of colors and a familiarity she can't quite place.

Lili knows well enough not to ask her parents. The pit in her stomach at the thought only confirms it. Mother and Father don't need to know everything she does or thinks about.

###

The sound of voices is what wakes her up before her alarm clock. The redhead lays still, listening.

I _'m telling you, something is wrong here…_

 _[The lack of sunshine is what it is. I can't live like this you know.]_

[I _meant with Her. What is Her deal?]_

 _[She's a two legger, who knows.]_

 _[So, you can talk.]_ Her eventual cautious response startles both plants into silence. The redhead has enough time to wonder if she's having a psychotic break before the thought is thrown to the side.

 _[I could say the same for you. Have you heard us before?]_ Lili suspects this one is Razzle speaking.

 _[I thought so. But it's hard sometimes...]_ She admits her head lulling into the pillow, staring at her alarm watching as it counted down to when she should be awake.

 _[Sounds like you got a block on you, kid.]_

 _[A block...?]_

 _[Like, something in front of you that you can't get through.]_ Mia explains quietly back, decidedly more patient in contrast to Razzle. Lili finds it rather comforting in a way she isn't sure what to think about.

Lili wrinkles her nose a little trying to parse out just what that meant. [ _That makes no sense.]_

 _[Sorry, dunno how to explain it. It's more a human thing. If you asked a human like you, it could help.]_ If plants could shrug, Lili can guess Razzle would be shrugging at her from the windowsil.

Lili audibly sighed at that, the advice wasn't exactly helpful. She couldn't go ask someone for help in talking to plants after all.


	4. Mr Z

I of course had to sneak in a Rhombus of Ruin reference in here. This fic was originally written before Rhombus of Ruin was announced, so I had to tweak some little things here and there.

#####

Another face joins her dreams. A bearded man, with a bright smile. A smile that makes her feel safe and comforted. He reminds her of music, Lili struggles to place it what she can remember of the melody. She draws a blank no matter how long she thinks on the song.

He joins the lineup of mystery people.

She decides his name starts with a Z. It's as close as she's going to get. Lili decides not to worry about it. Her week is full of new files to put into the system. Her desk is stacked with work and she can't let her mind wander too much.

When she's on break she thinks about these mystery people. Still working on names for them. Eventually she settles on names, Mr. Z, Space Boy, Disco woman, and Goggles. The names are as good as they're ever going to get. Thinking about Goggles leaves Lili feeling warm, far warmer than she has felt in a long time.

When she goes home she tries to picture more of Goggles and feels silly when her cheeks turn pink and heart leaps picturing him smiling at her. He feels… heroic somehow. Like he'd somehow swoop in and save her from something.

Maybe a man eating shark? A mutated amphibious creature of some kind? She never really picks out one, just deciding he'd save her and be shocked when she kissed him. Lili spends what free time she has pondering over Goggles instead of the Charlie mystery. It's easier.

###

The sudden arrival of someone leaning against the side of her cubicle warranted a brief glance from her computer screen. Lili manages to contain a grimace. Of course, it's _Cathy_. Someone in the office who could never resist some kind of bitchy comment.

"Are you always this slow? I need that data in the system sooner rather than later, Crenshaw. You're always so damned slow." She crossed her arms over her chest frowning back at Lili. The redhead's lips curled into a sharp irritated frown. Lili's gaze drifted back to her computer screen picking up on typing once again. "I need it in the near future, don't ignore me because I hurt your poor baby feelings."

"I'd be able to work a lot faster if you weren't breathing down my neck, Bates. Think you could shove it for a bit so I can actually focus?"

"You- you can't talk to me that way." Cathy choked out, obviously surprised and trying to recover. Lili didn't even need to look up to know that much.

"I can and I did. I'm trying to work, leave me alone." She finally looks back up at the other woman, a little surprised to see their boss a next to her. The round man looked aghast. Far too aghast for the vaguely annoyed interaction that had happened.

"Lilian! You can't speak to your coworker that way!"

Lili's brows knit together, the redhead trying to keep her frustration under wraps. This was ridiculous. Both of them were women in their late twenties, not toddlers. "She came by to purely disrupt me while working. Politeness went away when she decided to swear at me."

"We're all meant to be nice here, Lilian. Please apologize."

She grinds her teeth, the smugness on Cathy's face and stares from others nearby leaves Lili want to rip all of them a new one. She manages to swallow it down. What she does remember of 'The Incident' means she can't be too vocal about anything really.

"I'm sorry, Cathy."

"Apology accepted." Cathy offered back with a smug grin. "I'm glad we could all learn this lesson."

"Now, I expect better from you Lilian, I'll be keeping an eye on you for this behavior." The boss stepped into the cubicle touching her shoulder. It took all the effort in the world for her not to rip his arm out of its socket.

"Of course, sir."

After that every time Cathy sees her, the woman mouths 'fatty' at her.

####

Eventually Lili has to cave and buy new clothing. Her size 0 clothing is doing nothing for her. What was faintly tight at first is now starting to strain against any complicated movements. One or two coworkers helpfully gave her dietary plans to follow. All the helpful advice just makes Lili eat more in petty revenge.

Shopping without Mother is… freeing. Lili has a chance to smile and laugh. She makes small talk with clerks and has a genuinely decent conversation with another shopper. Connecting with someone, even for a few minutes felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

By the end of the trip, she learns she's a size 2 now. It's not that much better than 0, but it's a start. She doesn't feel as listless or lethargic. Lili feels like she can actually do things herself now. When she looks in the mirror now her color doesn't seem as washed out. Her hair isn't as limp or as likely to fall out when she runs a brush through it. Her nails don't break off constantly.

Sure, it'll piss off Mother, but Lili is starting to find herself caring less about her mother's overt control.

###

 _Her chest feels uncomfortably tight. No matter how many times she sucks in air her chest continues to ache. All Lili can do is cough, hunching into herself as a coughing spell rolled through her._

 _Everything was cold. No matter how she moved she couldn't stay warm. Trying to sit up only hurt worse. She couldn't move her arms. Something was holding them back in place. "Fuck."_

 _She could hear voices from the other side of the door. Lili couldn't make out much, not beyond her name being spoken once or twice in passing. Scorn was sharp and brittle in those voices. It made fear rattle through the redhead. Her gaze was drawn to the cold metal door, stuck on it and unable to look away._

 _The voices grew louder as the door handle jiggled._

The loud buzzing of her alarm jerked the redhead awake, leaving her staring at her bedroom ceiling numbly. When she rises from bed she stumbles into the bathroom grabbing at the empty pill bottle left there unscrewing the cap. The lack of pills pouring into her palm is a sharp wake up call from the haze of panic. It takes Lili a moment to realize what she was doing. "Is this… why I was on medication?" She finally asks herself. Why had noone mentioned it? Why were her therapy sessions about being 'A Good Girl'? If she had some kind of sleeping disorder she'd understand having medication but no one ever mentioned it.

###

Strange unsettling dreams continue through the rest of the week. Dreams of a dark cold room. A cold room where she can't move and people beat her. Lili often awaken in a cold sweat or tangled in her blankets. Her appetite drops enough she wonders if she'll have to return the clothing she had bought only a week ago.

The dreams almost makes her regret flushing her medication. What if the dreams get worse? The thought leaves a pit in her stomach. The redhead is nearly ready to call her doctor and confess. Being lectured like a child would be frustrating, but if the pills had a point…

Lili struggles with the thought for the next few days, just trying to get through the rest of the week intact. No one really seems to notice. She's quiet and withdrawn as ever. The status quo for Lilian Crenshaw.

It only takes a dream about Mr. Z and that one song she cannot place playing to make Lili hold firm on her resolve for now. She has to follow through on this. Lili wants to know what her life will be like without medication. She doesn't want to be this apparent blank slate everyone knows her as. Lili feels like she's more than that. She's not a agreeable smiling doll. "I'm not some vapid gaping maw of acceptability." She mutters to herself staring in the mirror with a frown. "Why do they all- was I always just that? Why is this happening if I'm not that?" She keeps that song in mind for now, trying to find something to focus on beyond the bad dreams. Beyond the apparent emptiness everyone assumes exists in her head.


	5. Clarity

When she's at home, Lili tends to spend most of her time talking with her plants. If not talking to them, she'll be reading about them. A variety of gardening books had slowly but surely filling her shockingly empty bookshelf. Every other book was about fashion or geography. Lili wonders why none of these books look remotely read.

It is a rare saturday off, she intends to take advantage of it by reading. The redhead is curled on her couch, book settled in her lap as she reclines back.

[ _Did you ever ask anyone about the block?_ ]

Lili sighs at the interruption, glancing up at the cactus in her windowsill.

[ _No. None of them can answer my question._ ]

Razzle speaks up now. [ _Why? You didn't even ask!_ ]

[ _Because, none of them can hear you like I can._ ] She rolls her eyes a little, flipping the page of her book trying to not get hung up too much on the fact she's having a conversation with a pair of plants. If her medication is not for the dreams, it's probably for this. Normal people don't hold conversations with plants.

[ _Strange. There are many more like you who can. I can feel them sometimes._ ]

Lili paused at that, clearly not sure what to think. It was worth asking the plants to get some idea. Maybe she would finally find someone else to talk to. [ _You can? Who are they?_ ]

[ _That woman who yells at you all the time. She brings that hunched man with her._ ] Mia continues as if Lili hadn't nearly dropped her book. [ _She can't hear us exactly, but she is like you._ ]

[ _A mind melter._ ] Razzle adds.

Lili dog-ears a page of her book closing it now to focus on the two plants. [ _A mind melter…? What is that even referring to?_ ]

[ _You can do things with your mind others can't. I just don't remember the word for it that you two leggers use._ ]

Lili rubs at her face, trying to wrap her head around this. So her parents…? They could do the same things she did? Make mugs float, hear voices? Did they suppress it with medication? How does this even happen in a person?

"Uuugh." She slouched back into the couch again, sliding down it. "This is all too confusing."

###

The past month of being off her medication taught Lili something valuable. Never ask questions. Don't emote. Don't smile too strongly. Without the pills everything is so sharply in focus she finds it hard to not notice things. She finds it hard not to react.

She laughed too much at a joke and was stared at. She ate too much at lunch and was laughed at. She hummed while working and was told to quiet down. She showed frustration at a comment and was scolded. Mother swiftly shut her down, pulling her aside to scold her.

" _A lady doesn't show anger. Behave yourself_."

All Lili had wanted to do was scream she was twenty-eight years old, she wasn't a child. Instead she swallows her anger, feeling deep in her bones that fighting back isn't the wisest choice. She apologized.

Lili learns to apologize for her existence more than she'd like to. She doesn't want to. All she wants to do is scream and remind everyone she's a competent adult. Something dangerous lurks in her chest and she wants to unleash it to see the horror on their faces.

Lili wants to unleash the rage, but has a strong enough inclination to resist. Hold off. She could wait.

###

The next prescription refill comes surprisingly fast. Lili wonders if she would have naturally finished a bottle by now given how little time she's had with it. A month max doesn't seem all that long for two pills a day in a large bottle.

Not that she voices that to her doctor. He places the unmarked pill bottle into her hands. She smiles blandly back at him. "Thank you, Doctor."

"You're progressing very well, Lili. I can see you're almost back to your old self again."

What was her old self? Was she always blitzed on medication? Lili really had to wonder why everything felt so tenuous. The harder she looked at her life the more disjointed it felt.

"These pills are like magic. I feel so much better." She breaths out, echoing a coworker who she was compared to in passing. A stick of a woman who seemed vaguely empty headed with glassy eyes and constantly shaking hands.

"Good, good. Now go get some rest." With that she's dismissed back into the big wide world outside of his cramped office. Lili tucks the medication into her bag before leaving the building. She takes time to buy something indulgent on the way home as a quiet 'Fuck you' to everything.

She was going to eat these cupcakes and no one could stop her.

When she goes to bed that night, Lili dreams of Goggles. They're saving the world together from some kind of threat. It's all hazy and unclear, but still leaves her excited when she wakes up the next morning. It's all so exciting. Exciting, and familiar. Maybe she had dreams of Goggles before all of this? Before 'The Incident' and the medication burned everything away.


	6. Little voices left to rot and plot

"I'm sure you're thrilled Charlie is coming back." Bethany states in that shrill tone Lili knows as a common feature of this company's atmosphere. Everyone is too chipper and it makes Lili wish she could have coffee at work. The loud talking usually gave her a headache by mid-afternoon.

"Oh, I am!" She manages to mimic the cheery tone, trying to not feel freaked out at Charlie finally coming up. After a month of trying to piece together the problem it was finally rearing its ugly head. "I missed him so much."

"I still can't believe you kept your cool like that. If my finance left the country for so long I'd have gone stir crazy." She laughs and Lili feels a cold sweat settling against the back of her neck. She has a finance?

"I know how to keep my cool." She manages to bluff earning some laughter from the table of women. Lunch wraps up normally with only some teasing about Lili being too excited to see her future husband. "Don't ravish him too much, sweetie!" One woman calls as they exit the break room earning another round of laughter.

If she has a finance, why doesn't she remember him? Why doesn't she have any pictures of him anywhere? She had dug through her computers at work and home for some kind of indication. At best she found far too many pictures of her parents over anything else. Every time she looks at her parents for too long she just gets frustrated. Something about them turns her stomach.

Lili knows logically she shouldn't feel that way about her parents, but… something about them unsettles her. Those dreams only compound the feeling.

###

 _She screams until her voice is hoarse. Her wrists are sore and her whole body radiates pain. Rough hands hold her chin steadying her face as she struggles. She's on the table and cannot leave._

 _"Hold still you- little bitch." A man's voice, low sharp and angry. His patience is at an end and that only makes fear intermingle with the anger building up inside of her._

 _"Fuck you!" She was trained not to antagonize, not to push back but the rage is burning so sharply in her gut she can't stop herself. "You piece of shit!"_

 _The sting of a smack across her face doesn't stop her from screaming profanity at him. She only is stopped by capsules being shoved into her mouth. A metallic taste follows after as she sinks her teeth down on his fingers. He screams at her, yanking her hair. Other hands join the fray, other voices begin to rise._

Her heart is hammering in her chest. Lili needs a long moment to count to ten and breath. She grounds herself by touching the stucco walls behind her bed.

The dreams have only gotten worse with the talk of Charlie.

###

Her parents prattle on about a welcome home party for Charlie for the rest of the week. Lili only feels nauseous every time it comes up. She does what she does best around her parents let them take over the proceedings. It's easier, it causes less of a fuss.

It pisses Lili off completely, but she knows to sit on her hands and observe by now. Her parents are bringing up the trip more now than ever. How it'll be a honeymoon before the actual honeymoon for her and Charlie. How they've been in love since forever. It's almost strange how they're explaining her life to her.

"You two met in college of course. You were getting a degree in english and he was working towards a tech degree." Mother intoned with a bright smile. "I'm so glad you two have each other. I wouldn't know what we'd do with you."

Lili nods, "I don't know either." She does actually, she'd be babied into oblivion. She's on the edge of asking about why she and Charlie apparently chose Honduras of all places, but resists. Lili suspects if she sits on it her parents will answer soon enough. They seemed intent on explaining everything. It's just making Lili wonder if they think she's idiotic.

"He's the light of your life! The shining star that brings greatness to you!" Mother offers back, voice louder than need be.

"That's right." Lili offers back, "I don't know what my life would be like without him. I missed him." She didn't know he existed until last month. She's thought more about Goggles than anyone else at this point. "Do you have a picture of him? I miss seeing him." That had to be a safe question… right?

"Of course, sugar blossom." Her father shockingly speaks up, digging through his pockets. He produces his wallet, eventually handing over a photo. It's an innocent enough photo, yet it sends her stomach plummeting. A lanky redheaded man with dark brown eyes and a slightly upturned nose smiles back at the camera. His arm is curled around her waist holding her against himself. Lili barely recognizes herself in the picture. She looks gaunt, vacant. Her own smile in the photo is dazed at best. It almost looks like he's propping her up.

"This helps, thank you." With that her father motions for her to keep the picture. Lili doesn't refuse it.

"Now, if you'd be a dear-" A list was shoved into her hands. "Go get these for us, please?" It's a list of party supplies. Lili focuses on the large loopy handwriting instead of the sinking feeling in her gut. "Just take them home with you and we'll have the party at your apartment next week."

"Is anyone else coming to the party?" Slips from her lips before she can catch it. Her parents seem to not mind it though given their lack of reaction. "No, it's a family affair. Something private." Something deep inside of Lili feels like that's a threat. A warning. Lili can't ignore the intensity of that warning.

"Of course."

Lili makes her leave, tucking the list in her pocket. The idea of seeing Charlie in person again leaves her more disgusted than anything else. Lili walks down the sidewalk, taking the long way back into the city proper as she pulls the picture from her pocket. Something about this man sickens her and she can't bare to look at it any longer.

"Fuck this." She crumples it in her hand.

###

Lili isn't quite sure how long she's been out. All she can do is walk, walk, walk, walk. The steadiness of it makes her feel less like she's floating along outside of her body. Less like she's a doll her family seems to play dress up with.

The sun is starting to sink in the distance and she can't stand the idea of going home. Finally she comes to a stop in a park, exhaling as she looks at the crowd of people starting to slowly dwindle. She finds a comfortable bench to sit on. Lili simply people watches as her mind wanders. She folds the party list into an origami star in her lap.

Only a man's voice breaks the steady bubble of silence she built around herself. The voice is heavily accented, German.

"Lili?"


	7. Hang you like a lullabye

And finally, Sashaaaa! Hope you guys are ready for some Sasha Nein and Lili family relationship

#####

Seeing Space Boy in person knocks the air out of her. She blinks at him for a long moment trying to find her voice. This has to be her imagination running wild. Space Boy can't be real.

"Lili." He repeats, this time it isn't a question. His expression is unreadable.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer." She manages dryly back, surprised at the sudden shift in gears. That feels more real than anything else in quite awhile. "I know you."

"I should hope so, Ms. Zanotto." He moves over towards her. His expression makes her heart ache. From unreadable to anguished in seconds. The name he says feels like it's a piece of her she lost. "Gods- I had thought…"

"I'm here." She says, not sure why it comes out like that. "I- I don't know who you are, but I know you."

That stalls him, "What happened?"

"I don't know." She admits, honesty feels strange to speak. Honesty feels like a faux pas she's committing. "I've always lived here."

There is something dangerous in his expression before it's gone again. "You haven't. Lili…"

"Take me somewhere else. Something is going to happen." That's all she can think about now. The trip to Honduras is coming up after the party. Something feels intensely wrong about the whole thing. "We need to go."

"We do." He agrees, "Do you trust me?"

"I have no idea, but I'm going to take a risk." Lili rises from the bench taking a step towards him half afraid her parents would suddenly appear to take away all of this. "I can't take this place anymore. None of it is real."

He reaches out, offering his hand out to her.

Lili takes it. "Tell me your name."

"Sasha, Sasha Nein."

###

They call a taxi, heading to the airport. The reality of the situation makes her heart hammer in her chest. They sat in silence in the back of a taxi, her grip on his leg tighter than she means it to be. He doesn't react to the hand clutching at his knee. At best Sasha rubs her back gently.

"Sasha, do you really like space?" She questions when they hit traffic. The sun has long since sunken over the horizon and the stars are slowly winking into existence. The farther they get from home the more Lili feels like she can relax. Her chest isn't tight and breathing comes easy.

The smile on his face makes a weight lift from her chest. "You remember that?"

"Duh." Her lips quirk into a smile. "Tell me about space." He tells her about space with relish, the passion in his voice making her slowly unwind. The man gladly indulged her, rambling about anything and everything space related on the drive over. Lili can tell after a certain point their driver is annoyed by the talk but trying to ignore it. He apparently wants a big enough tip to tolerate space talk. His patience is rewarded handsomely when he pulls up to a curb, Sasha handing him a decent amount of money for a man traveling with nothing.

When they arrive, Lili remembers she doesn't have anything on her. "Shit." She exhaled, "I don't have my passport-" The reality of how rash this is settled back over her. Lili doesn't feel frightened of going off with this- practical stranger. She's more frightened of going home. Her parents have a key. Charlie probably has a key knowing her luck.

"Don't worry about it." The German man easily answered motioning for Lili to follow him. The redhead hesitated, confused but curious. "I kind of need my passport you know." Snark comes easy with this man. Hell, it feels more natural to Lili than anything else.

"Ja." His smile is warm and gentle at that, not a usual reaction to someone being sarcastic. "I have my ways Ms. Zanotto."

The redhead squints back at Sasha as she starts to follow him. "I'll take your word for it."

"You always did before." He walks through security with little trouble, flashing- something from his wallet at the staff. That much is enough to usher them away from the thrush of people to a private area. Lili does her best to keep up feeling stunned by how easy that was.

The British Airport Security member leads them down a hallway, deep into the facility and eventually outside to a private jet.

"Oh my god." A hand claps over her mouth in shock as Sasha laughs. "Worried about another crash Ms. Zanotto-?"

"…You crashed before?" The question makes the smile on his face drop so quickly Lili has to feel a little guilty. "Uh, sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He waves it off walking towards the jet in calm confident strides. Somehow it feels too practiced for Lili to believe it. "I'll fly, you make yourself comfortable." Lili trails after Sasha into the plane. She settles into a seat near the cockpit of the strange jet.

###

 _She can't move. Her body is still and her breaths are shallow. Her hair is strewn all around her and Lili's head feels so heavy._

 _Hands rise from the ground around her. Lili struggles against the withering pile of limbs rising from under her and around her. She squirms, shimmying desperately to get away._

 _Her mouth falls open and no sound comes out. A hand claps over her mouth preventing her from ever having the chance of screaming. A man is standing over her. Lili can barely make out his features, but he has a pocket knife in hand. The toe of his sneaker nudges her legs together as he starts moving closer. The knife draws closer as hands curl around her throat. Fingers knot in her hair, yanking her further into the ground._

 _Another hand settles on her shoulder shaking her._

"Lili- come now. Its time." She jerks awake at the feeling of a hand gently shaking her on the shoulder, Sasha's voice low and soft next to her. He had apparently put the plane on auto-pilot or something to come check on her.

"Did I fall asleep-?" She rubs at her eyes tiredly, sparing a glance at a window nearby to gauge what time it is.

"Ja." Lili has to take in his face for a moment, not sure what to fully think of the man's expression. It is one of the more genuine bits of affection she's seen the past month. Her Mother's sugary smile always had something off about it in a way Lili could never put a finger on.

"I guess I was tired." She exhales finally having to look away. The lack of reaction on Sasha's part at the staring only makes her wonder what he thinks of her.

"I figured. It's why I let you sleep. We haven't arrived just yet, but it's best you get some liquids in you." A water bottle settles in her lap. She looks back down to actually take it. "I would offer you a meal, but we only have beef jerky." Sasha makes a face at the thought making Lili laugh.

"Is he still stuffing every extra compartment on this jet with beef jerky?" Lili isn't sure just the he she is talking about is, but it comes from her naturally.

"The man is insatiable and stubborn." Sasha answers with a sigh, head lulling back to stare at the ceiling as if asking the heavens 'why'.

"Coach is kind of a menace." She agrees as she twists the cap off her bottle. Coach. Coach. She's picturing a short man with that much.

"Tell me, what do you remember about Coach Oleander?"

Lili brings the bottle to her lips, sipping at it uncertainly. "Not… much. You, brought him up and I'm starting to think of a short man. Short, round, kind of loud?"

"That would be him. What does he look like Lili?"

She wracked her brain for a moment trying to summon more. "He has a scar over one of his eyes? He has a mustache." Lili feels more confident about the mustache part.

Sasha nodded, but offered no corrections. He's seated next to "What else?"

"I think he has military medals on his shirt. He has a soul patch too." Bit by bit the longer she thinks the more information slowly starts to trickle forward. It's not a flood of knowledge settling over her, just a drop or two.

"Do you remember anyone else?"

"Disco Lady." She pauses when Sasha snorts at that, "What's her actual name?"

"Milla Vodello."

"She's really tall, dark skin, long dark hair and green eyes. She has this beautiful smile and- a warm voice." Lili capped the bottle again before rubbing her arm. "She wears bright clothing with a lot of patterns. Patterns Mother wouldn't let me dream of looking at." Her smile turns amused at that. Though she doesn't miss the flicker of something sharp on Sasha's face. He's hidden it by the time Lili really looks back at him.

"What else?"

"I think, she likes children? Protective of them somehow. She likes dancing a lot and trashy romance novels."

Sasha doesn't confirm nor deny, simply tenting his fingers together. "What do you know about me?"

"You like space. You're into science. I think you do experiments of some kind. You also really like sweet food."

He nods slowly, "Anything else?"

"You and Disco Lady are both famous? I'm not sure." Lili rubs at her forehead feeling headachey the longer she pushes against the forgetful feeling lingering over her.

"You're famous for some reason."

"There is no rush, Ms. Zanotto. Take your time."

Lili wrinkled her nose back. "But- I want to remember now. I hate this- feeling." She was on the verge of more than she had ever been so far. There was something she couldn't quite get past.

"I know, but you need to take your time."

"Uuugh." She flopped back in the seat in irritation. Sasha laughed at that, failing to stifle it. When Lili looked back up he managed to vaguely compose himself. "It's not funny!"

"It isn't." He agreed with a slow nod, "You're just behaving how you once did. It has been a long time since I've seen it in person."

"I bet you're sick of it already." Lili knew Mother would have scolded her twice over for not being proper.

He shook his head in turn, "I don't think I will grow sick of it anytime soon."


	8. Dear lie still along my old web

Join me in screeeeeching in delight, my friend Kitty drew this fucking awesome fanart for White Capsules! I've used it as a cover for the fic.

post/159592750765/felt-like-doin-some-art-for-sonicsora-s-fic

####

The flight in total takes several hours. Sasha pesters her to drink water and sleep when he isn't questioning her. The redhead for once doesn't mind the fussing… too much. It feels genuine for one. Less like he's obligated to care. Almost like he wants to care about her.

At best Lili vaguely learns about all the mystery people in her dreams. The only two untouched are Goggles and Mr. Z. Lili wants to prod Sasha about it, but finds ingrained instincts keeping her mouth shut unless asked a question. A part of her pushes back against it. Lili simply redirects her line of questioning to where they're going. Sasha doesn't hesitate to answer, almost relieved she's pushing back against him.

"Seattle, Washington. You lived there near your father."

"On my own, right?" She was used to living on her own so, it wouldn't be too strange.

Sasha seemed to hesitate, "Yes." Lili narrowed her eyes in turn sitting up a little, "Sasha-" The German man shook his head quickly shifting the topic on course before Lili found something to push back on.

"We should be arriving soon."

"Did I live alone or not?" She has to press the issue. After so much 'protection' she can't stand the idea of anymore.

Sasha simply is silent for a long moment openly debating with himself. Lili is about to butt in and remind him she wanted an answer when he finally spoke.

"You lived with your partner of several years. Razputin Aquatos." Sasha adjusts his sunglasses. His expression is unreadable, a practiced kind of mask.

Lili feels like the air has been knocked out of her. There is a rush of everything rolling over her. Joy, excitement, nostalgia, fondness, frustration- she chokes out his name after a moment. "Raz." Raz. Raz. Goggles. A name clicks with a face so quickly she cannot doubt it. She can picture his smile, the scruff of his facial hair against her cheek. She can so easily feel ghosts of his calloused hands against her side.

Sasha moves faster than Lili would expect, crouched at her side, a hand on her arm. "Darling, breath."

"I'm breathing!" She bites back out, though she's clearly struggling. There is so much information in just one name pouring down over her now. A flood she can barely withstand. Sasha's murmuring in German- and Lili finds a bottle of water pressed into her hands. Without much thought Lili uncaps the bottle again drinking.

"One thing at a time, Lili." He squeezes her arm gently, reassuringly. "You're going to overstimulate yourself. You need to take this slowly."

"What is- all of this?" Finally she has to ask, has to know. Lili hates being blindly yanked around. "What happened?"

Sasha frowns deeply, but he's honest. He holds her gaze over his sunglasses. "Two years ago, you and I were on a mission. It was a simple recovery mission. We drop in, grab some files and leave."

"I'm guessing it wasn't simple?"

Sasha exhaled slowly. "I wish it had been, Lili." He stands now, seeming reluctant to let go of her but pulls one of the chairs over near her own. (Lili realizes only now the damned things are floating.) Sasha settled down across from her. "Upon arrival the facility we went to was oddly quiet. It wasn't an official branch of Psychonauts, but a close ally, so I wasn't particularly on guard. I assumed at best we would greet old agents who worked in the building, grab the files and leave. You assumed about the same given we had gone to that facility in the past."

Lili nods trying to understand half of what Sasha is talking about. Psychonauts? Facility-? She wanted to hear him out, so she didn't interrupt for now. Lili drank from her water watching Sasha for now.

"You went to the file room, whilst I signed us in. At the time I did not realize the building had been compromised. The location was supposed to be unknown, but, a Psychic terrorist cell learned of its location. They had infiltrated the general work population. We had simply chosen a bad time to come visit. The psychic terrorist cell sprung an ambush. Just as you walked into the inner facility the emergency doors came down." Sasha's expression remained carefully detached. Lili was surprised when she realized she could tell he had practiced making himself emotionally detached from the topic.

"I was locked in the lobby with the secretary and civilians. I managed to steer all the civilians away from danger and prevent a hostage situation. I did not have access to the rest of the building for a good four hours. By the time I had gotten through you were gone." The detachment flickered at that, some old grief settling on him before Sasha made it disappear. "The security footage showed you fought with the psychic terrorists for most of that time before an agent we both trusted struck you in the back of your head. The group carried you and several other psychics off and escaped the building."

"The building was in lock down…?"

Sasha nodded at that, "The building had been designed for an attack from the outside, not the inside. The only exit was through the loading dock. They had disabled the doors there preemptively. From what intel we gained they had planned on taking as many psychics with them or killing them."

Lili winced a little, rubbing at her face. "Shit."

"Shit indeed." He adjusted his sunglasses once again. "The Psychonauts had a strong trail on your location for two months, before you suddenly faded from sight."

"…Faded?"

"We couldn't track you by your items any longer." Sasha winced now, "We assumed you had… passed. This happened to the other psychics taken as well. We later found their bodies."

Lili swallowed at that, pressing a hand against her own cheek. "How many?"

"Over all, ten. You were the ninth and only survivor so far."

"I'd be thrilled if I knew what happened." She scrubbed at her face in frustration, wishing answers were easier to find. Silence settles over the two for a moment as Lili drinks her water. She needs it after all of this.

Then an idea hit her. Like a flower slowly blooming the pieces started to fit together. "...Were the bodies found in Honduras?"

Sasha stared at her before finding his voice. "Yes. As well as Venezuela and New Mexico." Both names were ones Lili remembered seeing on her little trip calendar.

"I had a trip planned to Honduras." It feels like the air is being squeezed out of her lungs. "I guess I was going to be the final victim." She has to laugh almost bitterly, nearly crushing the plastic bottle in her grasp. Sasha sucks in a breath, swearing softly under his breath. Clearly not aimed at her, but her captors.

Lili realizes fairly quickly she knows more German than she ever expected she did. Lili finishes off the water bottle, throwing it carelessly to the side sinking into her chair.

Her family had wanted to kill her. She sucks in a breath, trying to stay steady. Instead tears burn at her eyes. Lili startles slightly when Sasha approaches, opening his arms in an offer of a hug. The redhead gladly takes him up on the offer. Her fingers knot around the fabric of his blazer, face pressing against his shoulder.

"Mein Liebling, you are safe now." It's a reassurance as much as a promise to ensure she stays that way.

It's almost like he cares about her. That much makes Lili choke and start crying. The dam is broken and she isn't sure she can cap it again after this.


	9. It will not lift you

Lili used to be a buff as fuck lady before all of this. Curvy and buff ftw. She's 6'1, so pretty much not in a great spot health wise given her weight.

####

The plane lands in a private air field, Lili sleeps through the initial landing. After crying for far longer than she would have liked she needed the rest. The positive is the fact she cried hard enough to not dream. Her mind was blank just this once.

Sasha shakes her awake gently once again. "Come now, we've arrived." Lili bats him away lightly, wrinkling her nose a little as she starts to wake up. "Yeah, yeah." Sasha drifts back to the main console tapping at something whist Lili yawned.

"I'll gather my things and alert medical staff to meet us inside."

Lili rises from her chair, frowning now. "I'm not injured you know."

"You're severely underweight, likely malnourished and seem dehydrated." Sasha dryly threw back as he held Lili's gaze. "Do not argue with me, Ms. Zanotto."

She opens her mouth to definitely argue before closing it. "Fine." She examines the plane more closely now as Sasha starts gathering his belongings. Everything about the plane almost makes her feel nostalgic in a way she can't put a finger on. Given her apparent history with Sasha, with the Psychonauts the nostalgia makes sense.

"By the way, what's Psychonauts?"

Sasha nearly drops his bag at her question, "You- do not remember?" He pinches the bridge of his nose now with his forefinger and thumb. He scolds himself in the next breath. "Of course she wouldn't- ach. Memory problems. Severe memory lapses."

"Just tell me." Lili tucks a hand in her jacket pocket.

"Psychonauts are a psychic organization meant to keep the peace." With that he launches into a long explanation and history as they leave the jet. Lili listens raptly, nodding when needed intent to memorize this. Maybe one she knew all of this by heart. Now it's just dust. This explained Mind Melter's at least.

"I was a Psychonaut?"

Sasha nodded slowly avoiding her gaze now as they walk. "Yes. One of our strongest agents. Your father is the Grand Head, you never let his position carry you. You could easily replace Milla or I when we choose to retire."

She almost feels kind of proud of herself. Kind of. "So you're a top agent too-?"

"Yes, though Milla is vastly more skilled." His lips twitched, fondness subtly sliding in place when Milla came up. The sight made Lili smile a little too. "I'm fairly certain if she could handle every mission on her own with very little issue."

"You're both dorks." She exhales softly gaze drifting to the building they're walking towards. The building is huge, a complex web of oddly shaped domes with grand shaded glass windows. In the distance Lili can see a forest surrounding the airfield and building, rising from the depths of what she thinks is a quarry. "Is this Psychonauts headquarters?"

"Ja. Our main headquarters currently. Your father chose Seattle as a main hub before you were born." Lili has a hard time wrapping her head around that thought. "You always wanted to be a Psychonaut or a florist. It depended on the day of the week." Sasha continues the light topic as they walk together, they're only interrupted by medical staff rushing out the door. Apparently her survival had sent a shock through the group.

###

Lili wrinkles her nose unhappily as she sits back on an exam table. The paper robe she was given doesn't do much to keep her warm. Under the florescent lights overhead she realizes her body is a patchwork quilt of scars. Burn marks, dips in her skin from badly healed injuries. It is more than a little strange to realize she had no idea what her body was really like anymore. After being in a haze for so long, she realizes she's finally really aware. She's finally awake.

Lili plans on examining herself properly later. She's suitably distracted by the doctor coming into the room. A tall woman, lean, deep blue skin. She has a gap between her teeth and green eyes.

"Ms. Zanotto, it's been a long time. I used to be your doctor here at the facility, I'm Ruby Evergreen." Ruby picks up a notepad from her table along with a pen.

"I guess so." She rubs her cheek uncertainly, she doesn't exactly have a lot come up at the woman's name. "What do you want to know?"

"Just an overview if you can of any issues you've been having."

"Besides all of them?" Falls from her lips so easily, it must have been a common response given the soft laugh the doctor gives. "I'm not sure where to start."

"Start at the most pressing."

"Before I ran into Sasha, I was on some kind of medication. I'm not entirely sure what it was. My therapist prescribed me them regularly for years."

"Can you describe it for me, please?"

"It as just a white capsule, it fit in the palm of my hand."

"Do you remember the taste or the feeling it induced?"

"After taking it, I would be a bit light headed, tired, and nauseous. I don't remember a taste. I know after I weened myself off of it I was suddenly hungry and not as lethargic. I had a better time remembering things after."

Ruby gave a soft, "Mhmm. That is a bit vague, but we're getting somewhere. Do you remember any psychic disturbances? Did your abilities function?"

"Abilities…?"

Ruby just paused, "Lili, you're a psychic." She explained gently, "You have a multitude of abilities."

"Like… hear plants?"

"Yes." Ruby seemed relieved Lili knew that much.

"There was one disturbance." The Incident. "I think I got upset at something Mother said- just it made me so angry. I blew something up-?" Lili was trying to remember, glad Ruby was letting her think it over. "I blew up a microwave with fire somehow. Along with making a bunch of glass in the room just explode into pieces."

"Pyrokinesis." Ruby offers softly back. "You channeled your energy into the microwave and made it explode and it ran through to the glass."

"Mother was so angry, she shoved me into a cabinet and started slapping me. I remember hitting my head on impact and passing out while she was striking me." Her hand drifts to her head at the memory. Nothing hurts now, but the clarity of it is surprising. "When I woke up, she had more medication for me and made me promise to behave."

Ruby's lips curl briefly into a frown as she writes. Beyond that she doesn't comment on the issue. "I take it the medication dulled your senses?"

"Yeah. More so. I kept losing time."

"Tell me what you do remember." Lili did what she could to explain bits and pieces to Ruby. It wasn't particularly coherent, but Ruby was attentive and encouraging. The woman listened. Lili was kind of enjoying being heard.

"If you're comfortable with it, I'm going to do a physical exam, once we're done you can get dressed. If you don't want to do a physical exam now I understand completely."

"Better if we do one now and get it over with." She exhaled back. "What happens after?"

"You're going with Sasha to a quiet area and eating something. From your weigh in, you're currently 150 pounds. Given your height it's not the best."

"What was I like before-?"

"You were- very muscular. In shape and generally passed all the psychonauts physicals with little trouble. You'll have to ask Sasha if he has any pictures of you and Raz." Ruby gave an amused shake of her head, "The man is too proud of you two, so I wouldn't doubt he has pictures of both of you." That bit of knowledge makes Lili smile a little.

"After you eat, we'll likely find an actual therapist to talk to. A Psychonauts psychic trained therapist who can see what is going on in your mind. If you're comfortable with the idea of course."

"I'm not sure- but we'll see how it goes." Having control is so strange but… elating in a way Lili isn't sure how to describe. Even the prospect of someone in her mind wasn't scary since she could say no.

###

The quiet area is a lounge full of soft carpets, couches, a folded up card table, bean bag chairs and televisions on the walls. The room is very 70's in a charming kind of way. Lili has to admire it as she steps in through the threshold. Ruby's hand is against her back guiding her forward. For once a hand on her back doesn't feel weird or controlling.

"Sasha will be here in a moment, try to relax."

"I'm probably going to just fall asleep if I sit down." Lili muses lightly back, trying to bring some vague levity to the moment. Ruby chuckles softly, "You wouldn't be the first, trust me. I'll see you later, Lili." She patted Lili's shoulder gently before departing, the door closing behind her with a soft click.

Lili moves towards a beanbag chair sinking into it once she sits down. "Oh- woah." It is far more comfortable than she'd have expected. She kicks off the flats she had been wearing stretching out now. The sound on the TV's are off but given the simplistic cartoons playing Lili can't really be bothered by it.

The door opens before long, Lili smiles a little as she glances back. "I was wondering when you'd get here." Instead of Sasha another man stands there staring at her. The sight of him knocks the air out of her.

"Lili." He finally chokes out stumbling forward.

"Raz." She fumbles to stand nearly pitching herself out of the beanbag chair. The two can only stare at one another for a long moment. All those bright unnamable feelings are back full force.

"Lili, _oh my god_ -" He rushes forward, Lili moves to meet him halfway. "Oh my god." He envelopes her in his arms, shaking as he holds her close. "You're alive." Lili wraps her arms around his neck, clinging to the man like a rock in the rapids. A steadying home against the force of nature thrashing against her. She never knew she needed this until right now.

"I'm kind of hard to kill." She weakly jokes back, surprised when he kisses her. She kisses back after some hesitation, fingers tangling in his hair. His stubble scratches against her cheek. She laughs softly when he pulls away, "You need to shave." He simply dips in again to kiss her, deepening it now. Lili is more than happy to be lost in the moment.

"Razputin!" Sasha's harsh voice makes the two break apart, both startled. Sasha is standing in the doorway looking peeved to say the least. He nearly drops the paper bags in his grasp as he scolds Raz. "What did I tell you!?"

"You can't just drop that bombshell on me and expect me not to find her, Sasha!" Raz heatedly snaps back, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Ach." Sasha rubbed at his face in frustration. "Lili are you-?"

"I'm okay." She confirms, guessing what Sasha's thinking. Raz frowns, "Of course she's okay-"

"Memory problems, Razputin. She's seen trauma we have no idea to its true extent." Sasha closed the door behind himself, locking it now. Apparently he didn't want any further visitors. Being talked about was a bit annoying, but not that unusual.

"I'm still trying to remember you fully." She states simply back, patting Raz's arm. "The kiss was a nice way to start though." The magenta haired man flushed at that, "Oh." Lili just wants to kiss him again.

"I only remembered your name after Sasha told me. I remembered you as Goggles." Might as well be honest. No use pretending she remembers much of anything substantial.

That much earns a weak smile. "Well, it's pretty close."

"I was 'Space Boy'." Sasha uses air quotes around his given title as he moves to sit down. Raz has to laugh at that, glancing back at Lili, his smile warming up further. "We need to put you in charge of naming stuff." He reaches out for her hand and she readily meets him once again.

"Duh." She only glances away from Raz at the sound of Saha pulling something out of the paper bags. The sight of cheap Chinese food has never been so tantalizing. Sasha managed to unfold the card table, laying the food out.

"Lets get some food in you, Ms. Zanotto." Lili feels like something is missing, she glances at Raz. "Are you not going to beg for a wonton this time?"

His smile goes lopsided. "Just this once, you can have them all."


	10. Cursed by your dust filled head

Some music that inspired this fic for your listening pleasure.

/6x1ofWqEjCo

/JcLkNjot4bo

/x1qNtKcaROw

watch?v=Xqw4wo8vdY8

/bdj1lwGPPUs

######

 _Her feet lose traction, Lili doesn't have time to right herself as she goes down. The fall and collision with the floor knocks the air out of her. She only has a moment to take in the feeling before hands are on her. She manages to swing her elbow back hard, colliding with something solid enough to grant her freedom._

 _She's off on unsteady feet, rushing forward. Her fingertips brush against a doorknob before a weight comes crashing down onto her. Rough hands in her hair yanking her head back._

 _"You fucking bitch! I"ll kill you!" Lili swings back with all her weight sending the man reeling backwards._

 _"Try me, dickhead!" She manages to look back, Charlie is clutching at his face blood pouring freely from his nose._

She wakes up slowly as the dream trails off into nothing. Lili realizes at some point either Raz or Sasha had draped a blanket over her. The long flight combined with the full meal had done a strong number on her. The redhead rubs at her eyes with a slow yawn. It takes her a moment to realize the warm thing she was laying on was Raz. She startles slightly off of the man, that much is enough to wake up Raz. He groans a little, rubbing at his face.

"Morning, Lili." He greets blearily. "Did you sleep okay?"

"Better than I have in awhile." She sits back, wanting to be close but also unsure. "Did you stay here all night with me-?"

"Well, it wasn't a full night, it's been like a couple hours? Six hours maybe?" Raz checks his watch for conformation before nodding, "Yeah, six hours. Dinner kinda knocked you out."

"I was on a plane for like nine hours and had a physical after. I'm allowed to be kind of worn out." She stretches a little now, popping her back in.

"Were you in- the UK? You kind of have an accent going on. It's british sounding." The question makes Lili's lips shift towards a smile. No one else had really commented on it. Then again the most interaction she had with anyone was with Sasha & Ruby.

"I was living in London. I… thought I had grown up there." Raz's hand settles gently on her knee. He's encouraging, clearly wants to hear her explain. "Tell me about it."

"Mother and Father raised me in London, we lived on the outskirts before I went to Brunel University. We moved fully into the city so I could focus on school." Lili turns it over in her head, "I didn't really have friends, I didn't really do any activities. I guess I liked geography?" There were so many holes. All she remembered of her childhood was studying, she had no hobbies or past times. She simply studied so she could apply for college and maybe meet a man. Her parents had wanted her to marry as soon as possible.

"I met my fiancé, Charlie at Brunel… I don't really remember how. He was in the tech industry and I was majoring in English." She almost hesitates to talk about Charlie, but the topic will come up eventually. Raz stiffens at that, eyes narrowing as his lips curl into a dark frown. It's her turn to touch his knee comfortingly.

"Did he ever try anything-?"

She sighed, "I don't know, Raz. I didn't even meet him like I was supposed to this week. I kind of… ran off with Sasha. Beyond the past month or so everything is spotty. I remember a very different life in London, but with holes I can see now. How could I have no friends? No hobbies? Nothing I liked? How did I get into Brunel without some kind of hobby to back up i'm not all about studying?"

She rubs at her face in agitation, "If I had stayed on medication I would have just lived there and not remembered you." Not to mention be dead. Not that she was going to say it now.

"I'm glad you stopped taking whatever those freaks were giving you." Raz scoots over, closing the space between them once again. Lili doesn't honestly mind. "God- Lili, I missed you, so much."

"Two years is a long time." She agreed, smiling at him. "I'm sure when I remember more I'm going to have missed you even more." Lili wishes she had more to say, had more than scant fleeting memories and feelings. Raz seems to understand, even with the lingering disappointment coloring his smile.

###

"We're still working on contacting your father, Truman just had the bad luck of being out of country when you showed up." Sasha sighed as he walked with Lili, the two enjoying the quieter part of the Psychonauts facility together. Walking around was starting to help her remember the layout to some degree. "For now we're trying to keep it quiet that you've returned. I'd rather you not be bombarded by well meaning but over zealous people."

"Thanks, I don't think I can really handle that now anyway." Lili definitely wants to see Mr. Z- Truman, and Disco Lady- Milla soon, everyone else not so much. "What about Milla? Where is she?"

"She's on an undercover mission, it's unlikely we'll be able to reach her for the next month. She is on the last leg of it thankfully."

Lili's brows knit together at that. "I'm kinda surprised you aren't with her."

"The mission only required one active field agent and two intel agents. My presence would have made her cover questionable at best." Sasha stated simply back, though it was obvious enough in the way he spoke about it he wasn't particularly happy about being separated from his partner.

Lili reaches out to pat his arm, smiling at him encouragingly. "You'll see her soon enough." His lips quirked into a smile at that. "I hope so." The two fall into a comfortable enough silence. Only once or twice does Sasha break it to explain certain aspects of the facility to Lili whilst they walk together. The redhead is happy enough to listen just trying to take it all in.

Sasha slowed down before coming to a stop at a doorway. "Your old apartment isn't readily available these days, so Ruby, Razputin and myself have set this up for you." He pulled a key from his pocket, unlocking the door. He handed the key to Lili before opening the door.

It seemed to be a much smaller lounge room converted into a bedroom. A twin sized bed is settled against one side of the wall, already dressed with colorful sheets. A desk is pressed against the other side of the wall near a window. The overly plush carpets were taken out to reveal faux wood flooring. Plants are hanging from the ceiling and some clothing is stacked on a broken down looking dresser. The walls have a variety of pictures hung up. Lili recognizes most of the faces in them.

Lili just stares at it for a moment, stepping inside. The redhead feels… a lot of things in the moment. No one has really done this kind of thing for her. "How long did this take you?"

"A few hours, whilst you were asleep Ruby and myself arranged for some things to be brought here. None of it is from your old apartment beyond the bedding and pictures."

"I'm assuming Raz doesn't live there anymore?" Lili walked over to the bed, sitting down on it. She reclined back, gaze drifting across the room now to take in all the details. So much for her hopes of seeing where she lived before. It had been two years, so it made sense.

"It held too many memories for him. He moved back to live with his parents for a short time before returning to live in HQ."

"Does he still live here?" Lili wouldn't mind being able to just visit him whenever. The redhead can guess she's going to be here for quite undetermined amount of time.

"On occasion. I believe he has another apartment." Lili makes a mental note at that to get directions or pester Raz to show her. She doesn't want to stay here forever after all. Sasha seems to guess her line of thinking, adding on. "You'll likely be able to visit him when you're given a proper mental evaluation."

"When exactly is that happening-?"

"Tomorrow. For now we're working on reaching your father and finding you some clothing." Lili's gaze drops down to her own clothes. Right. She had been wearing this for a day or more now. A white blouse, black blazer and pencil skirt paired with flat black pumps were not the best running away clothing. The most colorful thing she had were dangling blue earrings.

"I probably stink, don't I?" She winces a little, brushing her hand across the front of her blouse trying to smooth out wrinkles. Sasha for his part shakes his head, amusement rising to the surface. "Not yet thankfully. There is a bathroom across from this room though. So you won't have to go far."

"That's a small favor at least." She has to smile a little at Sasha. "Thank you."

He waves off the thanks, "I would do this for you anytime, darling. You don't need to thank me."

"Still." She presses back, "I- I'm getting used to all of this again. It's nice."

"Just wait till your father gets back, he'll be worse than I." Sasha mused with a faint snort shaking his head now.

###

Tomorrow comes faster than Lili anticipates. She's almost excited as she is anxious about having someone in her head. From what Sasha and Raz tell her, it's something she won't even be aware of. She steps into the office, Raz a step or two behind her. The room is comforting, warm toned walls, shelves with clearly well read books and a old couch settled across from a desk opposed to another office chair. A dark skinned woman with green hair rises from her seat at their entrance. Freckles dot her face, her eyes are the same vibrant green of her hair. Lili feels a little relieved that the woman seems familiar somehow.

"Hey, Hols." Raz greets with a wave as he hangs back by the door. Lili moves to sit on the couch. She glances back at Raz, motioning for him to come over. The man hesitates, before the older woman cuts in.

"Please do sit down, Raz. Your cool act isn't fooling anyone." The woman states simply back, rolling her eyes somewhat. Raz grumbles a little, but doesn't seem too put out at being called out. He's content to join Lili on the couch. He naturally sits close. Lili is half tempted to scoot away but resists. Instead she places a hand on his knee. Raz brightens visibly at that.

"I'm Holly Comondo." The green haired woman states to Lili, "We've met in the past, but given what I've been briefed on, I'd rather introduce myself again."

"I appreciate it." She tucks a loose strand of hair behind an ear. One or two strands of her hair have grown out, she was between haircuts when she started weening herself from her medication. "I was told you're going to look into my mind?"

"Usually I talk with patients first. See what I can unearth from discussion alone. Given your interesting case, I've decided it's best if I get the lay of the land as it were." She glances at Raz, "Normally Raz would be asked to stay outside, but I thought it would be better for you to have familiar company present."

"Its better than being alone." Lili agrees, squeezing Raz's knee now. Even if she doesn't remember a lot, her gut instinct is to trust Raz. So far her gut hasn't led her wrong. Raz could blind someone with the smile he's wearing. Holly's smile turns a bit soft at the sight before professionalism slides firmly back in place.

Holly turned her back to them briefly, picking up a small crooked doorway from her desk. The door itself was just as green as her hair, with red and orange stars weaving around the door hinges. She held it out in front of Lili explaining. "I'm going to use my Psycho-Portal, which is a specialized tool fully licensed agents have upon fully reaching Psychonauts status. They are made with the intent to safely enter the human mind with astral projection. These days these doors are made to only work for specific agents." She gave Raz a significant enough look to make the man laugh nervously and sink into the couch next to Lili. "You used to have one as well."

"It's probably broken by now. That one looks pretty delicate." Lili couldn't even put anything together for what her own door could have looked like.

"They're surprisingly hardy. The Psycho-Portal was meant to be taken on hard missions as much as kept on a desk for a specific appointment." Holly offered back leaning back against her desk now. "I'm going to place this door on your head, when it opens I'll astral project myself into your mind. Are you okay with this?"

Lili nods, "Yes, I am okay with it. Just- be careful." She wasn't entirely sure what was going to happen. The redhead was going to place her trust in Holly.

"I intend to." Holly stepped forward placing the door gently on Lili's forehead. Lili is briefly aware of Holly and Raz's voice before the world drops away.

###

"I'm just helping, Hols." He brings his goggles up, grinning as the two stand in Lili's mind together.

"You need to leave." The woman hisses back at him, crossing her arms over her chest as she holds Raz's gaze. "You know how this is supposed to work Razputin!"

"I do, but it's Lili." He breaks eye contact moving forward without Holly. The older woman groans in frustration, trailing after the twenty-eight year old. "That's more reason why you shouldn't be here!"

Raz is already ignoring the senior agent taking off through the forest making up the start of Lili's mind. "What was that Holly? Can't hear you!"

"Razputin!" Her voice is already distant at this point as Raz moves. He's been in Lili's mind a million times, so he knows the lay of the land. Past the forest is a pink greenhouse. All of her memories, her mental residents and the like are housed in that greenhouse. He weaves through the trees, rolling through the wet mud feeling his heart hammer in his chest. Everything looked fine here, but what did the rest of her mind look like now? It couldn't have changed that drastically, right?

He finally breaks through the bank of the trees, nearly falling off of his levitation ball when he sees the greenhouse. "Fuck."

The greenhouse has been burned to the ground. Chunks of timber and broken glass lay on the wet earth. Raz lands on his feet, unsteadily walking forward. He can see chunks of broken memory vaults buried in the debris. Reels are ripped to shreds, stained by mud and ruined beyond repair.

He crouches down, reaching out to touch an unmoving vault carefully. Even a sleeping vault will leap to activity if someone gets close enough to it. Raz is hopeful being close will do something.

The vault does not move. All his touch does is make it's metal plate face fall off. Raz swears softly, trying to dig through the fallen timber, pausing when he sees a crack in the ground. The earthy colors replaced with something unnatural. The colors constantly shift and fritz.

"Razputin." Holly's sudden voice makes Raz jerk up and away from the wreckage. "This is why you shouldn't have come."

"Holly- there's a crack!" The reprimand rolls off his back as he points at the ground. "You need to see this!"

The woman manages to restrain a sigh as she hurried walks over, scolding can wait. "A crack?"

"A crack in her mental landscape!" He repeats, moving to brush more dirt off of it, revealing the ugly jagged crack. "Fuck, fuck-"

"If you want to be helpful, Raz. Follow it. See where it goes. I'll handle things here." Raz doesn't need to be told twice, he's up on his feet and off. Holly watches him stone faced before her expression falls. She turns back to the burned down building. Carefully she starts moving the wreckage around.

"Oh… Lili." A mind cannot hold without a steady mental landscape. A human will go insane without a landscape for their mind. Holly dreads seeing if the crack has grown any worse. The greenhouse will never be the same, but that can be handled later. The senior agent settled on her knees, working on digging up the crack properly. Before long she's fully revealed it to the air.

The crack isn't deep, but the fact it is there says whoever had Lili had tried their best to break her mind in two with little success. It continues back towards the forest, vanishing in the tree line.

"I knew you were tough, Lili, but this is ridiculous." Holly laughed weakly to herself. Holly only rises from her crouch to start taking notes, picking through the dead and desiccated memory vaults one by one. There are enough spread out and torn apart Holly can guess it was purely intentional. Someone wanted Lili Zanotto gone.

By the time Raz returns she has a lay of the land. Holly snaps her notebook shut, tucking it away. "Did you find where it stopped?"

Raz nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah- towards the back where the garden used to be. Everything is burned to the ground over there too."

"Her mind was likely much worse, but she's been healing it." Holly jerks her thumb at the new saplings growing nearby. "I'm wagering the terrorist cell attempted to burn everything down to start over again and were thwarted by her censors. Lili's mind always was well fortified, so I'm not surprised if her censors managed to push them out entirely."

Holly bringing it up only now makes Raz realize the sudden the drastic lack of Censors. He has to look around half hoping one will pop up. "But where are they-?"

"It's likely the censors were contained in one area? We need to keep looking around for certain. I can hear emotional baggage and personal demons nearby."

Holly leads the way, willing to let Raz continue with her now that he's already involved himself in this mess. What they'll find is going to likely be a disaster. That much is obvious already.


	11. Water spills down o'er

By the time the meeting ends, Holly and Raz are both grim faced. Holly starts rapidly writing whilst Raz tries to distract her with airy light conversation. Lili is more than willing to indulge him, talking about them possibly moving in together in the near future, her father's return, Milla's return. He fills the time and air with inane but gentle things. That much makes Lili know the two aren't going to tell her anything.

Holly finishes soon enough sliding the paper into a manila folder, setting it on her desk's edge next to her stapler. The green haired woman moves around her desk to motion for Raz to join her. She states she'll Lili again tomorrow at the same time. Lili simply smiles and bids Holly goodbye.

Her fingers brush across the desk, subtly pushing the file forward across the desk as she walks. Without much of a pause Lili has the manila folder tucked under her arm. Neither Holly or Raz seem to notice in the moment. Raz opts to stay behind with Holly to discuss something. and Lili isn't going to dissuade him.

She knows the way back to her room. She can walk back by herself. The redhead quietly makes her way back down the hallway, folder held close. Even if the hallways are empty, Lili walks leisurely back to her room. One thing she's learned from Mother is a lady shouldn't rush around if she has a secret. For once Lili will agree with that.

She steps through the threshold of her bedroom, snapping the door shut behind her. She locks the door out of habit moving to settle down on the edge of the bed. She kicks off her shoes, falling back to flop on the bed as she opens the folder.

Holly's handwriting is precise, clean- at best her i's are dotted with stars. Lili is glad it isn't a mess, it means she can read this fairly quickly and place it back in Holly's office later.

 _ **CASE NOTES** : _

_Upon examination by myself and Agent Aquatos, we discovered extensive damage to the mindscape. Main hub of activities, memories and nightmare containment was destroyed by a third party. Agent Aquatos found a crack in the mental landscape's ground starting at the wreckage of the hub of activity. The cram lead to the back reaches of Ms. Zanotto's mind. The deepest part of the crack has a high risk of breaking further if memory vaults aren't mended, and mental residents aren't allowed to attend to damage properly._

 _Nightmares are running rampant delaying initial investigation given their size. Other agents required for proper containment. It is very likely we will need four agents max to fully reel in the nightmares blighting the landscape. Personal demons also present a solid problem. Nightmares and Personal demons have started roaming together attacking anything in sight._

 _Several years worth of memory vaults have been destroyed purposefully by Ms. Zanotto's captors. I was able to salvage a hand few at best and stitch them together. Falsified memory vaults have been put in their place in an attempt to rewrite over previous memories. The weak workmanship means the new memories did not fully take. Falsified memories were taken for investigation. It is very likely given the workmanship there are psychic signatures on the reels themselves. I am currently searching for the vast majority of her memories, currently they are hidden from plain sight. Given how her memories are surfacing from conversation with old friends it is likely something in her mind has either unearthed them or they were not buried very deeply to begin with. Lili's mind will start to filter to the natural memories now that the fakes have been taken away. Within a few days her mind will properly reroute itself to the correct memories._

 _Mental residents have been corralled into a small pen deep in the woods so natural maintenance was delayed. Along with the mental residents are all of Ms. Zanotto's emotional baggage. What healing Ms. Zanotto's mind started without it's mental residence has been slow at best. If she had not been found her mind would have naturally taken four years to fix itself._

 _After speaking with Dr. Evergreen we've come to the conclusion Lili's abilities and memories were suppressed with an anti-psychic drug called Psi-trite, which is incredibly illegal and dangerous in high quantities. Seeing Lili's mind in person only confirms my suspicions. Psi-trite has the effect of cracking a mental landscape from overuse leading to insanity and complete loss of psychic abilities. It is likely Lili's continued use of the drug caused the crack, if not that, her captors had attempted to break her mind in two for easier control. Will follow up with Lili personally to see how she was treated. Given what I've heard from Dr. Evergreen in passing it will not be pretty. The added trauma will make things more difficult. In particular trying to teach Lili how to wrangle her own nightmares once again._

 _Dr. Evergreen intends to do a full course of blood work to be sure Lili hasn't been poisoned. Given her results from the psychical it is likely she's at least going to be unable to use her abilities beyond passives. Herbaphony and Lili's natural strength at telepathy continues to function at a low level. Far lower than her original ratings._

 _My over all estimation as of now: Lili Zanotto has a chance of full recovery, but will not be able to remember large chunks of her life. Some memories are too tattered to fully put back together. Her psychic abilities will return with time and practice. On the Psychonauts Official Field Agent Rating Scale she is a firm 2 out of 12. The rest of her powers are hard to pinpoint at this current point in time._

Lili closes the file, letting it drop on her chest as she tries to digest all of that information. Some of the jargon used completely flies over her head in the moment. Even if some of it sounds familiar it doesn't click in context for her. What she does understand though is she's kind of never going to get some memories back. The thought alone makes her rub her hand through her hair in quiet frustration. She'll never be Lili Zanotto completely again.

She'll _always_ be Lilian Crenshaw somehow.

She plops the file onto the bed next to her, rolling onto her side and back up onto her feet. Lili moves towards her window, pulling up the blinds to look at over the forested landscape. The sky is overcast with the threat of rain. From inside she wouldn't know what the weather was. The building was so insulated from the world. The redhead grabs her shoes, her keys, and a coat. Once she's situated with little hesitation she heads back out into the hallway leaving the file behind on her bed.

The sky cracks open, pouring water over the forest by the time she gets outside and Lili doesn't have any complaints. She simply shoves her hands into her pockets and treks onwards. Lili knows she's too angry to think, right now, she needs to just stop thinking.

She's survived worse.

Apparently.

###

As thunder booms, a phone rings. When it's picked up by Sasha Nein, A harried Truman Zanotto hurriedly speaks. His voice is strained, emotional. Sasha has a strong idea of what the man is feeling. After so many near leads the thought of another one being false is heartbreaking.

"Sasha- are you serious-?"

"When have I ever lied to you?"

"God. God- she's-" Truman is close to tears now, voice cracking. Sasha gives the man time to recollect himself. When he speaks his own voice is gentle. "She's alive, Truman. Your daughter is alive." Sasha quiets as Truman chokes on a sob. His composure is crumbling at this point.

"I'm getting on the next plane now. Keep her safe."

"I intend to. You be safe yourself, Truman."

"Thank you, Sasha. Thank you."

###

 _Fingers thread through her hair, yanking her head forward and upwards. Lili can distantly hear thunder rumbling. Even with all the attempts at sound proofing the building thunder still prevails. Her body moves with the yank, offering no real resistance. A mixture of casual defiance, self preservation and being bonelessly tired._

 _"Are you done yet?" She questions cooly in turn. Her voice is rough and her mouth tastes like metal. Maybe she bit her tongue again? At this point it's a little hard to tell._

 _"You just don't know when to shut up? Do you?" The man hisses back, light colored beady eyes glare down at her. Father, Alexander. Alexander Paquin. She recognizes his face. She remembers reading his file at some point._

 _"I tend to be a little talkative is all." She muses in turn, a thin smile curling across her lips. "Sorry if you can't keep up, Alex. Want me to slow down a little?"_

 _The man simply yanks her by the hair forward, Lili manages to maintain a smile even amongst the pain. "You're going to be sorry." He threatens back. He leaves an opening wide enough Lili gladly takes it._

 _"I've heard more scary back talk from a camp full of kids, Alex. Maybe you can swear a little, give me a thrill." She manages a wink, more predatory than the man can handle given the way he drops her._

 _"Fucking Psychonauts." He swears softly to himself. Lili manages a tired kind of sarcastic clap. She knows the more of a show she puts on, the better chance of survival for the other captives. Be the problem child she was always meant to be._

 _"That's a good start, keep it up."_

Lili keeps walking, forcing herself through the haze of her mind slowly sorting through memories. Now she has a name with a face.

 _Finger slide into her mouth, trying to pry it open. Instead she bites down on the knuckle. The man trying to manhandle her screams in agony as she holds on. Teeth dig into flesh, then bone._

 _Lili manages a muffled wet swear around his fingers. This time the blood in her mouth isn't her own._

Lili missteps in the mud whilst walking, quickly losing her footing and pitching forward. She doesn't have much time to correct herself, grabbing onto a tree branch. Even with this much rain she manages to keep steady. "Ugh."

 _She cradles her arm close to her chest, breathing out heavily as pain radiated through her. Lili holds the other woman's gaze firmly. Mother- Lucille Frappi practically squirms under her gaze. Her straw colored hair catches the flickering florescent lights almost giving her a halo._

 _"If you want a fair fight, you should come over here." Lili intones quietly, on the edge of finding enough energy to spring forward at the other woman. If she had more time she could easily make Lucille hit the floor._

 _"Your arm is broken, girl, I could beat you so easily." Lucille bluffs lowly back. "It wouldn't be worth my time."_

 _"Why not try then?" The woman never draws any closer, simply dumping water onto Lili from a safe distance before leaving. Lili simply laughs at her, a bitter amused sound that makes Lucille avoid eye contact with her for the next few days._

Lili's grip tightens around the branch, letting herself bodily rest against the tree. She flexes the arm she remembers being broken experimentally. Not even phantom pain lingers. She finally releases the branch after she finds her footing again.

Some part of Lili knows she should go home. Before the rain gets any worse, before she hurts herself, but, she doesn't want to. She isn't sure if she can be Lili Zanotto like everyone wants her to be.

The sound of her name being called, ever so distantly makes the redhead sigh and relent. She realizes it is Sasha when she pauses to listen. She pushes away from the tree fully, heading back the way she came. Even if she isn't fully Lili Zanotto. What's left does care, does genuinely love these people.

She isn't about to hurt any of them again.


	12. The crunching of your teeth

"It isn't that bad." She exhaled a bit petulantly as Sasha thrust a towel at her. The redhead accepted it without much complaint trying to dry herself off. She started at her hair hoping she could avoid hearing the eventual scolding if she blocked it out with a towel.

"Lili, I'd rather you not catch the death of cold." The German man scolded in turn, guiding the young woman back inside. Lili accepted the fussing for now. All the fussing actually came from somewhere loving. Opposed to toleration. "It is pouring out there!"

"I know, it is kind of why I went out." She rolled her eyes now, wanting to push back somehow. Even if Sasha's worry was justified. "I just needed to be outside. I couldn't stand being inside anymore."

Sasha murmured something disapproving in German, pinching the bridge of his nose. She stuck her tongue back out at him, moving to stride away. Sasha sighed, naturally following after Lili. "You aren't obligated to tell me where you're going Lili, but a note would suffice for next time. I was worried."

That much softens Lili's stubborn streak, she glances back over her shoulder at him. "…Alright."

"I don't want you to feel confined. I just, wouldn't want you to disappear again." Sasha was honest if anything. That much makes the redhead chew on her bottom lip.

"Yeah." She lets the towel settle over her shoulders for now, slowing down to let Sasha catch up with her. This part of HQ was quiet enough they could talk candidly without worry. Much less anyone realizing she was back yet. "Sorry."

Sasha doesn't acknowledge the apology, though he seems to appreciate it. "Lets get you to your room before you catch a chill."

"Alright- alright."

Sasha's fussing continued for the rest of the night. He was willing to overlook her stealing a file offering it to return it for her. That much made Lili smile. The familiarity of it made her wonder if this was a normal thing between them. In passing Sasha mentions Truman will be coming back soon. Lili can only nod and wonder vaguely if that'll change things here. If he'll actually like her or want her as a daughter still.

She shelves those thoughts for now, not ready to really tackle the issue.

###

Her head lulled back into the pillow as Lili lay back in her bed watching the rain. Water droplets rolled down the window as the glass fogged up slowly but surely. Central heating was on and even this late at night Lili could still distantly feel the presence of other psychics active in the building. Psychonauts HQ did not sleep apparently.

When she had her chance. She'd find Lucille and Alexander. That much she decides on now. Charlie is the only mystery left. When she remembered who he really was… she'd find a way to return the favor they had laid upon her.

Fair was fair after all.

When she finally falls asleep, Lili doesn't dream for much of the night. When she does, she dreams of cold hands around her neck.

###

Comparing herself to old photo's felt like a recipe for disaster, yet she found herself holding up a photo whilst looking in the mirror. The picture was of her and Raz at Whispering Rock. Both wore the signature shirts, from campers to camp counselors with age. Lili stood a foot taller than Raz, her arm slung around his shoulders. She was grinning at the camera. Her long red hair was tied back into a loose ponytail. Lili was muscular but curvy, tall- tanned from being outside regularly. At some point she had stolen his goggles, wearing them loosely around her neck. Raz was starting to grow in his facial hair at that point, looking at her openly lovestruck when the photo was taken.

Lili realized rather quickly she looked gaunt, a pale shadow of a woman she once was. Her skin was tight on her bones in places. Her cheekbones stood out prominently on her face. What muscle she once had in spades was gone. The tan had slowly faded into pallidness that Lili suspected some would be jealous of.

"I'm probably some goth kid's daydream." She murmured to herself idly, running a hand through her hair and dropping the photo onto the sink's countertop. She mimed a melodramatic bow back at the mirror, putting on a voice. "Oh Queen of The Tears. How beautiful and deathly ill you look! Truly you're a gorgeous corpse."

The rapping on the door jerked Lili out of her momentary reprieve of silliness. She blushed deeply as Raz's voice carried through the door. "Lili-? Are you okay in there?"

"Yeaaah!" She called back, grabbing a towel awkwardly wrapping herself in it. She was faintly surprised at how easily the towel wrapped around herself. "What do you want?"

"I'm just checking in on you." He admitted, thumping bodily against the bathroom door. "Did you want me to grab you something to eat?"

Lili sighed a little, food wouldn't be a bad idea. She opens the bathroom door a sliver to peek out at the other psychic. Green eyes met gold for a moment. "Please. I'm kind of starving."

Raz nodded, meeting her gaze again. "Anything in particular? I can get burgers."

The thought of an actual hamburger left Lili far hungrier than she expected. "I'd kiss you for a burger." Raz laughs at that, smiling back at Lili.

"You'd kiss me anyway."

"After I get dressed, yes."

"You might blind me with how hot you are." Raz teased lightly back, falling into an old pattern that made Lili feel warm. He hadn't exactly seen all of her, but she believed him.

"Dork." She breathed out with a laugh closing the door fully once again.

###

A woman startles at the sight of her, nearly making Lili drop the book in her grasp in surprise. "Is there something I can help you with?" She questions a little defensively. The way the woman looks at her like she's a ghost. Lili doesn't recognize the other woman. The short skinny woman is a new agent given the badge pinned to her shirt and classic uniform. Older agents tend to wear whatever they like whilst the newer ones are stuck with the green knitted body suit. Agent Serzes.

"You, you just look like…" Agent Serzes shook his head a little, starting to relax a little. Cockiness easily slid into place as her fears are settled. "Forget it, you're probably not even a psychic. Just some secretary."

Her frown deepens at that, the initial urge to bluntly state she's a Psychonaut is dimmed when she remembers she needs to keep a low profile. "Do you actually want something or are you wandering around for fun?"

"I'm just looking for Raz, have you seen him?"

"No." Yes. He was literally taking a nap in her room now. Lili had planned on joining him after grabbing a book from the lounge.

"Too bad, he's a hot number." Serzes jokes weakly back, avoiding direct eye contact. "I mean, he's single. He probably could do with a date. He's been moping around for years and has a nice smile. The beard is hot too…"

"Mhm." Lili snaps the book shut with more force than necessary making the younger agent jump a little. "Are you going to ask him?" Lili could feel how jealous she was of the idea.

"I mean… Maybe." The blunt question was making the younger woman squirm. "He's kind of still hung up on his ex. You look a lot like her, but skinny."

"You shouldn't be in this wing." Lili decides to ignore the jealousy settling over her, trying to just keep the young woman away from this corner of HQ. She decides to bluff vaguely. "It's restricted, I'm fairly sure it says that on the main doorway leading down here."

The bluff pays off as the younger agent flushes awkwardly. Clearly caught doing something she wasn't supposed to be doing. "Uh, yeah."

"I'd recommend you leave."

"Riiiiiight. I get ya." The younger agent gave an awkward wave, taking the hint. "Uh, good luck secretary-ing."

Lili stayed where she was watching the young woman head back the way Serzes came towards the exit of this wing. When she was sure the younger agent was gone she gently thunked the book against her forehead. Embarrassed with herself. "Oh my god." Whatever worry of being discovered is sidelined by how heatedly jealous she had been.

She hadn't even thought of Raz possibly dating. Much less how jealous it would make her. The redhead quickly heads back towards her room trying to keep her mind off of it. If Raz had found someone else… she isn't sure what she'd feel about it, much less do.

She opens the door to her room quietly, stepping inside and setting the book aside. Thankfully Raz is still conked out on the bed. He's drooling on her pillow and for once in her life Lili doesn't hate it. Lili slides her shoes off by the door, heading towards the bed. She gladly stretches out next to Raz.

"You're my dork." She murmurs softly against his shoulder whilst curling an arm around his waist. Raz's sleepy response is something in another language she couldn't pin point immediately. She recognizes her name and is going to assume it's something sappy or completely unrelated.

###

Truman's sudden return causes somewhat of a stir in the building. Even with her weakened telepathy Lili can feel a variety of minds murmuring amongst themselves. It's how she knows Truman's returned before Sasha comes in person to tell her. She's attempting to yank on a jacket whilst Sasha lingers in the doorway.

"Are we going to his office or-?"

"We're leaving the facility actually."

That much makes Lili arch a brow back at him. "Really?"

Sasha crossed his arms over his chest now. "Your father would rather speak to you at home. I can't say I blame him. He's been on field work for the past few weeks. Not to mention I'm sure he'd rather speak with you privately without the threat of an agent walking in."

"He could lock the door." She muses with a quirk of her lips. "Still no locked door policy during office hours?"

"The man will never change." Sasha agreed with a low amused sound. "I'm going to drive you there. I would take Razputin as well, but I'm fairly sure he'd cling to you the entire trip."

"You act like I'd mind that." She starts buttoning up the jacket turning to face Sasha fully now. "Are we going now?"

"In an hour. Your father just left the building. I'm giving him some time to… adjust." He toys with his sunglasses uncertainly.

"Dead kids usually don't come back, so, I can understand." Some part of her still feels decidedly unconnected, half afraid if she gets emotional it will come back and bite her in the ass. Every other time she tried to please a parent it ended poorly. The two fall silent as Lili puts on her shoes next. Lili isn't rushing the process, she can already tell something is bugging Sasha.

"Put on a scarf as well, it is cold outside." She blows out a laugh at that, giving the german man a look. "Okay, mom, calm down."

An odd expression passes over Sasha's face before it's gone. Lili is half tempted to ask but decides to file that away for now. "I do not want you to be cold."

"I won't be." She grabs a scarf anyway to appease Sasha to some extent. "Is it just dad or will mom be there-?"

That seems to be the question Sasha was trying to avoid answering. He pushed his sunglasses further up the bridge of his nose. "Just Truman for now. We're trying to reach your mother still."

Lili paused at that, her memories of her actual mom are faint at best. A brunette woman with brown eyes, gentle hands and a biting sense of humor. "Reach her-? I'm pretty sure she and dad live together."

Sasha turned heading out the door. "I'm going to let you discuss this with your father."

"Sasha-" She walked out after him throwing the scarf over his head to tug him back. "Don't you run away from me!" Sasha obviously hadn't expected that given the surprised sound on his part stumbling back against her. The pink scarf had done a fair job of sending Sasha's sunglasses askew on his face. "Ach, Lili!"

"Spill it."

Sasha groaned at that, irritated but defeated. He knew if he didn't relent Lili would just smother him with the scarf. "Your parents divorced two years back."

That simple sentence felt like a punch. Lili's grip on the scarf loosened, "Oh." The fabric slackened freeing Sasha from his fluffy pink prison. Sasha stepped back, turning to actually look at Lili now. He adjusted his sunglasses back to their proper place as he sighed softly.

"Can you see why I wanted your father to tell you this himself?"

"I'd still rather be told." She stated simply back, stewing over the information. Sasha nodded slowly, "I understand. I still- I don't want to overwhelm you."

"It's going to happen anyway." She grumbled back moving to take her scarf back fulling winding it around her own neck. "Lets go."

Sasha didn't say anything more simply nodding once again, motioning for Lili to follow him down the hallway. The trek led them from familiar territory to the lower floors of the inner sanctum, eventually to a garage. Sasha was apparently borrowing Milla's sports car for the moment. The fact she recognized it as Milla's was comforting in itself.

One step forward, one step back.


	13. Cursed by your dust filled hymn

The drive is a quiet one beyond a jazz CD Sasha apparently has been listening to on Milla's car stereo. The stack of disco, dance and jazz CD's in the car itself says enough. Apparently Milla and Sasha car pooled regularly. Lili is careful not to knock the stack in the passengers side floor with her feet. She paused reaching out to pick up a metal CD on the top of the stack.

"Dog Fashion Disco?" The cover made it look like a heavy metal band.

Sasha gave what he could of a shrug whilst he focused on driving. "Milla has been getting into metal recently. I think I'm starting to miss her disco duck fixation because of it." He seemed decidedly resigned to the fact, so it wasn't that new of a development.

Lili had to stare at the CD case uncertainly. She didn't really expect that out of Milla. "Huh."

"I'm relieved she hasn't asked for any recommendations for any louder metal. I don't think I could handle that on home and at work." He sighed in response. Lili paused at that, trying to remember if Sasha and Milla live together or not.

The thought is shelved for now as she settles the CD case back where she found it. She should focus on her own family drama opposed to whatever Sasha had gotten into whilst she was out of the picture. She and Raz used to joke Milla and Sasha would figure out their own lives with time with only the occasional psychic terrorist attack.

Lili stretched out, yawning slightly. "Are you still just into jazz?"

"I do enjoy _more_ than that."

"Classical music?" She questioned dryly back, cutting her gaze back to Sasha.

"I do enjoy lo-fi hiphop."

"You sound like an old man trying to be cool." Lili answered with a laugh, she could feel Sasha's eye roll from here.

"I am an old man." He slowed the car down for a stop light, finally looking at her. "Last time I checked you used to collect comics about me." Lili snorted, properly admonished but amused. She held a hand up in surrender, still smiling.

"You got me there. I was one of many children around the country who idolized you. It's why I became a Psychonaut."

"Look where it got you, Ms. Zanotto." He stated quietly back. His grip tightened on the steering wheel when he realized what he had just said.

Suddenly, things just weren't all that funny anymore. Her smile dropped and silence fell over the car. Only the jazz music kept things from being completely empty.

###

Pulling into the driveway felt strangely nostalgic. Lili tried not to dwell too deeply on the feeling as she looked over the one-story house. Beyond a new coat of paint and shrubbery lining the property line it looked the same. Distant broken pieces of memories gave her a rough idea this was her childhood home.

Sasha parked carefully behind Truman's car, unbuckling himself after he was sure the car would stay put. Lili had to smile a little at him murmuring under his breath about needing the brakes checked. She unbuckled her seatbelt, opening the passengers side door stepping onto the driveway.

"He didn't change it much, did he-?"

Sasha shook his head, "Truman likes consistency. I'm fairly sure he'll live here forever. The most dramatic change he's made was replacing some curtains."

"He lives a wild life." She had to joke as they walked together towards the front door. Fragments of memories lingered at the edges of her mind. Some things she could guess at even without its full context. Others made no sense. "I grew up here, right?"

"Ja. You were a baby when I joined the agency officially." Ford had taken Sasha under his wing unofficially to get the boy trained before he became an agent.

"You babysat me." She mused in turn, remembering that much. "You and Milla. Before you were field agents anyway." Lili could barely picture a younger scrawnier Sasha with a sharp scowl and Milla with a tepid smile. Two broken people who became stronger from working with Ford.

Sasha rapped on the door, waiting a moment before calling out. "Truman, we're here." The lack of an answer made Lili frown slightly. Was her father usually prompt in answering?

Sasha didn't seem worried, pulling out his keychain, unlocking the door. When did he get a key? She was going to have to pester him about it later. Sasha stepped inside first, holding the door for Lili to follow.

"Thanks." She stepped inside, wiping her feet on the entry mat out of an old ingrained habit. Sasha walked further inside heading towards the kitchen. Lili naturally followed after him letting her eyes wander the familiar yet not sights of the house. She paused by what she remembered was a mirror, frowning a little at it being turned to face the wall. She reached out to flip it, getting a very distinct view of someone hiding in the hallway. She froze, staring at a person clad in all black who was staring back at her. Both equally stunned by the other.

She grabbed the mirror from the wall, swinging it in the person's direction. The man yelped as glass shattered over his head, startled and equally stunned as Lili grabbed a picture from the wall frame bringing it down on his head. A vase quickly following suit. The intruder was attempting to shield himself against the barrage of glass and wood hitting him. She wasn't exactly a psychic right now but she could manage.

"Sasha! Intruder-" The man lurched forward swearing, grabbing at Lili's arms to try and stop her. The redhead kicked out, her heel connecting with the man's gut. He stumbled back winded. That much gave Lili enough time to dart in the direction Sasha went. She grabbed a lamp in passing as she ran, more than ready to smack someone with it. Grandma Mary-Ann could handle a heirloom being broken right?

In the kitchen she found her father, Sasha and another man dressed in black. Sasha had slid in front of Truman careful to keep the man shielded with his body trying to talk the man down. The man's back was facing her at this point. "C'mon Nein, I got your number. Where's the girl? I'm not going to hurt her." The intruder held a gun up to the pair. He made eye contact with Lili briefly and motioned at their captor. The redhead didn't need any encouragement swinging the lamp down and knocking the man on the back of the head, showering him in glass. The gun went flying out of his grasp as he staggered forward. Sasha grabbed him by the front of the shirt to twist him around whilst Truman caught the gun with a psychic shield. Sasha managed to get the man dressed in black in a submission hold, arm curled around his neck. The man struggled against Sasha clearly trying to escape and not getting very far.

"There's another one back in the hall." Lili stated quickly, still holding the remains of the broken lamp tightly in her grasp. "How many are here?"

"Just two as far as I've seen." Truman answered with a sigh, carefully picking up the gun trying to stay alert of their surroundings. He put the safety back on, carefully tucking it in his pocket. He obviously knew that was the wrong way to holster a gun but didn't have much in the way of options now.

"Lili, if you could." Sasha gave what he could of a motion for her to come over as he tightened his grasp around the intruder's neck. Lili didn't need to be told twice walking over and finding herself bubbled under a shield.

"Hello, pumpkin." Truman greeted gently. Even whilst focusing his energy on maintaining a proper shield he had to smile at his daughter. "Long time no see."

"Hey." She greeted with a tiny smile. Suddenly feeling a little shy and nervous. "I kind of had a different picture in mind for this meeting."

"Things rarely go smoothly for any of us." Sasha sighed in turn, managing to locate a pressure point to press down on. The psychic terrorist in his grasp wilted at that. "If you could, Truman- my phone is in my pocket."

"Of course." Truman hesitated before reaching out to fish the cellphone from Sasha's pants pocket, avoiding the other man's gaze. Sasha was openly unaffected, overly so as he kept his gaze sweeping their surroundings. Lili had to squint at the two uncertainly. What was going on with them...?

"Who are these guys?"

"I intend on asking them as much in a moment." Sasha patted the unconscious man's pockets holding him with telekinesis now to keep his hands free as Truman called HQ. He produced a wallet after a moment flipping through it. " _Amateurs_. Never bring identification with you on this kind of mission…"

"This has turned into a particularly odd hostage situation. One we kind of flipped on them." Truman joked lowly before turning his attention back to the phone in his grasp. Lili could only shake her head at the oddness of this. Truman finished with the call relatively quickly, hanging onto the cell phone for now. "We have more agents arriving in a few minutes."

The other intruder stumbled into the kitchen having to stare at the trio. Truman waved back slightly. Sasha's response was to project another telekinetic hand to knock the man on his ass with more force the necessary. The hand yanked the intruder up into the air slamming him against a wall. Lili winced a little, glancing back at Sasha. "Ow. Even I felt that."

"Let's just say I am not thrilled someone broke into the Grand Head's home. Much less when he is finally reunited with his daughter."

"Sasha- you shouldn't feel guilty still." Truman offered back carefully, glancing back at the german man. "We talked about this."

"Why shouldn't I? I lost her in the first place!" He snapped, eerie calm suddenly exploding into full blown rage. "You cannot tell me it's not my fault anymore! If I had gone first or if she had signed the guest book- this wouldn't have happened!"

Lili held her palms up awkwardly glancing between the two. "Woah okay- hello. Lets… just focus on this okay?" When did she become the reasonable one in all of this?

Truman took a slight step forward. "Sasha, _Prince_ -"

"Do not 'Prince' me, Truman! I am not losing your daughter again because of my own incompetence, even if you're convinced otherwise." Seeing Sasha this angry was more than a little weird. Sasha leaned in scowling deeply at the other man. Lili had the luck of being stuck between the two of them.

"Woah what-"

"Sasha, now isn't the time for this…"

"When do I actually see you, Truman? You've been taking every chance to leave!"

"I cannot believe this conversation is happening. Can we just not?" Lili loudly cut in trying to stop the two from bickering. She waved her hand in the air at both of them trying to keep them from either angrily kissing or ripping one another's throats out. "Psychic terrorists, remember?!"

That much stalled the two from bickering for now. Truman coughed into his hand awkwardly, avoiding Sasha's gaze. "We do have pressing matters to attend to."

Lili widely gestured at the two psychic terrorist in the kitchen for emphasis. "Duh."

"We'll discuss this later." Sasha stated cooly. Lili just gave both men a look, settling a hand on her hip. "We're all discussing this later, calmly or I will strangle both of you."

"Look, I dunno what you folks are going through, but can you leave me out of it?" Came a weak protest from the psychic terrorist pinned against the wall. "This is kind of awkward."

"No shit." Lili muttered to herself.

###

Lili is more than relieved when backup arrives. Raz being ahead of the charge openly panicky until he sees her. He rushes forward and she's more than happy to be swept up in his relieved hug. Other agents filter to check in on Sasha and Truman themselves. Lili is glad of that much, she doesn't really want to deal with other people right now. She reaches up to grab his face with her hands, forcing Raz to look up at her.

"This has been the most awkward experience of my life. Whisk me away."

"Huh-?"

"Trust me. You would rather not know." Sasha sighed from nearby watching as other agents swept the Zanotto residence for any other terrorists, bombs, or bugs. "This report is going to be a headache."

Raz spared a glance at Truman before giving a quiet, "Ah." In response. "Lets go back to HQ. We'll grab a burger on the way."

"Marry me."

Raz grinned a little, flushing now. "When I find a ring, yeah of course." Lili did turn to look at her dad and Sasha, "Remember, we're talking about this later. Don't try to weasel out of it. I know where you both sleep."

Truman sighed at that, "Right." Sasha shrugged awkwardly but nodded his own agreement. Neither man were getting out of this.

Lili untangled herself from Raz moving to tug her father into a proper hug. "I love you, papa. Please- try to not be kidnapped." Truman gladly wrapped his arms around his daughter, holding her close. "I'll try my best, Pumpkin. Same to you."

"Grand Head, we're going to need that gun." One agent ventured breaking father and daughter apart. Lili gave the man a look making him shrink back slightly.

Truman offered the agent a apologetic kind of smile, careful to hand over the gun with telekenisis. Not wanting to smudge possible prints. "Of course. Sorry, Pumpkin, business calls."

"Like it always does." She sighed drifting back towards Raz. "See you back at HQ?"

"A herd of wild horses couldn't keep me away." He promised in turn with a slow nod.


	14. Cut open my sternum, and pull

"Should I even ask what happened?" Raz questioned as he leaned back burger in his grasp. "Or should I just read the report?"

"I found out my dad and Sasha have some kind of history." She sips at her drink, leaning against Raz casually. Her leg is partially in his lap by now. She can feel his hand drifting across her knee gently. "I'm not sure what kind of history."

Raz winced a little, clearly debating. "I can tell you they kinda sorta dated."

She cut her gaze back to Raz just focusing a bit too intently on his face making the man squirm. "… _Dated_?"

"Yeah. I only found out at the tail end of it a year back." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly with his freehand. "Sasha is a real private person. He only just told me he's been living with his current boyfriend as of last week. Some heavy metal guy." Raz took a bite of his burger clearly thoughtful, speaking with his mouth full. Lili leaned back to avoid getting food spittle on herself. "I mean, so is your dad. Unless he was talking about you or business he was pretty private. He never talked about dating Sasha or the divorce." He chewed for a moment long before adding, "Though I was kinda asking about the whole invasion thing to be honest."

"Oh-" Of course he was asking about that. Lili felt a little stupid in the moment. "I don't know why it happened but two men broke into dad's house. I couldn't really tell if they were psychic." Before Lili knew deep in her gut she could feel if someone was Psychic. Now it felt like her head was lost in static. She set her drink aside, not too thirsty now.

"I think they were, super low level though." Raz realized the sentence might be a little too close to home as he quickly added, "Not- that there is anything wrong with that I mean." Which spiraled into something back peddling as he set his food down to hold his hands up in surrender. "I mean we have a bunch of low level psychics working in the building right now! So many, have you seen how many-"

Lili simply reached out to plap her hand over his mouth, "Shhh."

"Mmrgh!"

"Shhhhhh." She patted at his lips a bit more, yanking it back with a shriek when Raz licked her palm. "Oh my god! You brat!"

Raz gave a friendly finger gun and wink in response, squawking in response when Lili set aside her food to launch herself at him. Raz was a man facing certain death. Well, certain death in the shaped of his girlfriend noogie-ing him. The two rolled around, falling off the bed entirely onto the floor.

Lili straddled Raz's waist, pinning his arms over his head grinning at him. "Got you."

"Do you-?" He laughed back, leaning up to kiss her. Lili was a little surprised but gladly went with it. She loosened her hold on Raz's arms, running her hand across his side experimentally. She settled over him, something in the back of her mind saying not to crush him since he was so much smaller than her-

He wasn't, though. She couldn't crush him if she tried. She felt all bony and wrong suddenly. Her skin was too tight and bones too jagged. A monster inhabiting a human body it had stolen. _Lili Crenshaw_.

She pulled back from the kiss, trying to not let the distress rolling through her color her expression. "We should finish eating."

Raz watched her for a moment, giving what he could of a nod. "Yeah- we should." He waited for Lili to get off of him and settle back on the bed before rising. "Don't feel like you're obligated to do anything with me, Lili. We can go at whatever pace you're comfortable with."

She sighed a little, "Yeah. We'll figure it out." She picked up her meal, picking at it.

###

The only perk of being a decommissioned agent for the moment lay in the fact she didn't have to fill out a report. Lili had to relish in that slightly as Sasha lay his face against the table groaning in frustration. She leaned back in her chair across from his desk finding some idle amusement in his struggle.

"Summarizing everything is kind of a pain, huh?" She questions with a quirk of her lips, Sasha shoots her a look. "I am trying to eloquently side-step explaining my… moment with Truman."

"How about- 'Truman and I briefly argued over shared personal history, brought on by Ms. Zanotto's kidnapping, which is unrelated to the attack.'? That could work."

"Hm, possibly." Sasha clicked his pen mindlessly, a bad habit Milla had infected him with. "It is better than my current response."

"Which is probably, 'Mind your own business'." She joked back, earning a snort from Sasha, "More or less. In less nice terms."

Only the sound of the office door opening distracted the two from the topic, both glancing over. Truman stepped in, a file tucked under his arm. He perked up considerably when he saw Lili. "There you are-"

"Hey, papa." She greeted with a smile, rising from her own seat to envelope her father in a hug. Truman gladly returned the hug, nearly dropping the file in the process.

"Look at you-" He breathed back, reaching up to cup her cheek in his hand. "You're so much taller now. Did you grow even taller while you were away?"

"Maybe." Lili doubted it, but it was a safer topic than anything else. After she hit puberty she had shot up in height nearly towering over everyone around her. Milla and Sasha were the closest to her height. "I think you just got shorter."

"Maybe." He agreed, mirth clear in his expression. "I missed you so much, Lili. I knew one day we'd find you." He managed to finally set the file aside on Sasha's desk to fully hug his daughter. His hug was loving and equal parts desperate to keep her close. Lili suspected when she left her dad would probably have an emotional break down. "God, you've become so thin. I need to feed you something hardy."

She had to laugh at that, face buried against his shoulder. " _Daaaad_." Lili had a feeling she'd be getting tupperware upon tupperware dishes of her father's hardiest soups. "I've been eating here you know."

"She has, she was much thinner before she got here." Sasha stated helpfully back, "Dr. Ruby is contacting a dietician to help build a sufficient plan of attack."

Truman peeked at Sasha briefly, his smile dimming only slightly. "Good. I'm glad things are being handled so smoothly."

"We've been taking care of her." Sasha mused, gaze drifting back to his paperwork. Lili just loudly sighed at the two men, startling them.

"Lets get this out in the open now. I know you both dated vaguely for awhile. We need to talk about it before you make this awkward. Not to mention you breaking up with mom." She pointed at Truman for emphasis making her father cough awkwardly in his hand.

"It is a bit late for that." Sasha mused from his seat, nudging a chair over with telekinesis for Truman, a wordless gesture for the other man to settle. Lili sat back down in her previous seat as Sasha continued. "I was hoping we wouldn't have to tell you about this. It has been a long time since we dated."

"At this point, Pumpkin, Sasha and I have been broken up for nearly a year or more." Truman clasped his hands together uncertainly. "It was a short relationship to say the least."

Given the timeline they were working with, Lili had one real concern. "Yeah, but- you didn't cheat on mom did you?"

Truman shook his head at that, frowning now. Given his lack of offense, she wasn't the first one to make that assumption. "No, never. Your mother and I- couldn't come to terms with your disappearance. Things fell apart after eight months and we agreed on a separation." Truman exhaled a little sadly as he continued, "Which turned into a divorce. We couldn't work out our issues. Sasha and I only happened after the divorce had been finalized."

"Your father and I were both in a particularly delicate place at that point in time." Sasha tented his hands together, picking up where Truman trailed off. "One thing lead to another and we started 'dating'." Lili could guess friendly comfort turned into something desperate. His verbal air quotes around the word was enough for Lili to guess he wasn't thrilled with the experience.

"You felt guilty about losing me." Lili knew that much. Sasha nodded, his expression turning carefully neutral. Neutral enough to tell he was still feeling guilty. "Yes. Whilst your father was in need of support. I felt I owed him."

"You didn't." Truman bit out firmly back, frowning back at Sasha. He only stalled out when Lili held a hand up in his direction. "Dad, breathe." The bearded man sighed at that, looking more his age as he regarded his daughter. "Some things haven't changed, have they-?"

His words were meant fondly, but all Lili could do was frown. "I guess not." Sasha spared Truman a look, it was long enough of one Lili could tell they were talking telepathically. She could vaguely make it out if she focused on the ringing sound, their voices were tinny and too distant to read properly. She could catch her name here and there.

"How much did anyone tell you?" She finally questioned breaking the two from their brief argument. Truman made a slight face, obviously reluctant to say much. "From the repeated messages Sasha and Dr. Evergreen stated you were safe, had some mental trauma. I don't know the full extent."

"You should probably get a full briefing then. You could likely read whatever file is building up on it. You are the grand head."

"Certainly true enough. The real question is if I can emotionally distance myself from it." Truman admitted, be it reluctantly. There really was no one else he could pass the case file onto to take over for this.

"You probably won't be able to." Lili if anything was honest about the situation, "It kinda sucks."

Sasha gave an amused sound, looking over the rim of his sunglasses. "Not kind of, it does in fact suck."

###

"Technically we shouldn't be doing this." Raz started casually as he trailed after Lili, "I mean, you're a victim to this crime and I'm you're hot boy toy. Biased in all the cases."

Lili shrugged without looking back at Raz, she was deterred as she lead the way down the hallways. Even if her memories were shreds she was sure of where they were going. Lili was working off a mixture of muscle memory and new signage put up to avoid getting lost. "Like that's stopped us before."

"Yeah, but we were like… 11."

Lili threw back with a snort. "And 12."

"And 14." He added thoughtfully, "Maybe 16 too…. Well, up until we were officially allowed to anyway."

She agreed in turn, coming to a stop at a room with a simple metal doorway with a small window. In block letters **OFFICIAL RECORDS** was written across the opaque window. "We're bad influences on each other." Lili reached out unlocking the door with a rough jiggle of the handle. No one had fixed it yet.

"Great influences, just in ways the agency doesn't like." Raz agreed as he followed Lili inside. The entryway of the record's room had a wall divider with another door and safety window that lined up with a desk. The desk was usually meant to be mined by a staff member, but was currently empty given the time of night the couple broke in. Lili strode forward, pushing the next door open, walking into the belly of the beast that was the records room.

All the records were broken up in several sections and marked clearly by year and specific type. The walls were lined with decades upon decades of files in a metal frame that reached the ceiling. Several wooden ladders connected to the frame giving anyone the ability to reach any possible file. Newer files were closer to the entryway. Wooden desks were set up in corners with rickety metal fold out chairs. Agents weren't allowed to remove files from the room usually. "The real question is what we're looking for. The terrorist cell that took you didn't really have much of a name."

"I have a name or two in mind." Lili tapped her chin, "Where do we usually put personal files for psychic terrorists or possible threats?"

"Still this way." Raz stepped forward heading to the left, past the wall of case files and personal files. Lili trailed after him now, just letting her gaze drift along the room. Eventually Raz came to a stop in the middle of the Psychic Threats isle. Clearly not sure where to start.

"Where should we start?" He glanced back at Lili for direction.

"Lucille Frappi. I'll look for Alexander Paquin."

"Gotcha." Raz gave her a thumbs up before moving to the F's section, Lili moved towards the P. Naturally it was going to take awhile, but neither psychic seemed were in a rush. Lili gave a small triumphant, "Aha-" when she found Paquin, Alexander. The file wasn't the biggest, but Lili was glad it was here at all.

"You found it-?" Raz called back, still elbow deep in the files. Lili had to smile, calling back. "Yeah- I'm gonna sit down at the table over here, join me when you find Lucille."

"Can do!" He gave what he could of a salute, mostly hitting himself unintentionally. Lili gave a soft snort of amusement, moving to settle down with her file.

 _Alexander Paquin_

 _Aliases: Alli, Papi, Accident_

 _Age: 48_

 _Nationality: Caucasian_

 _Birthplace: Swansea, Wales._

 _Affiliations: Black Cobra, Orange Razors, Dredd Dawgs [Same gang, constantly changes names/aliases]_

 _Strengths: Marksmanship, Clairvoyance, Levitation, Telepathy._

 _Weaknesses: Confusion, Telekinesis, Pyrokinesis, Invisibility & Shield._

 _Known Associates: Carbe "Hotdog" Dreg, Angela "Killzaz" Andles, Jennifer "Titty Totter" Hotspot, Tommy "toy" Boykins._

 _Overview:_

 _-Petty Psychic Terrorist crimes [Combustion of public property, breaking glass with marksmanship, Injured civilians, defacement of government property]_

 _-Attempted kidnapping_

 _-Public indecency_

 _-Drunken disorderly_

 _-Animal cruelty_

 _-Illegal possession of firearms_

 _-Attempted robbery_

 _Considered fairly harmless, if not disorderly. If aligned with stronger psychic could cause worse problems. With no real leader they're relatively aimless beyond blaming the world for their troubles. Usually can be found with other disorderly psychics online. When gathered together the group causes trouble and public property damage. Petty infighting causes the group to break up regularly before joining together under a new name. From observation we can tell this group have recently discovered their psychic abilities. Possible suppression caused by trauma or medication from outside source. Located in Wales primarily._

 _The group was originally started when all participants were in mid-20's. Yet to disband fully without strong possibility of coming back together. Will Update file as needed if more movements are made by subject._

Lili made a face whilst going through the rest of the file for further history, apparently Alexander had went from chump change to helping lead the charge on the biggest kidnapping of Psychics since the Whispering Rock incident. She really had to wonder how he managed to upgrade so drastically.

"I found the file you were looking for." Raz's voice broke Lili from her thoughts, she glanced up as he came over to the table. The redhead was more than a little surprised to see how big of a file Lucille apparently had.

"Whoever this lady is, she's been real busy." Raz commented with a grunt as he set it down on the desk. Lili ran a hand through her hair with an exhale.

Looks like Alexander had upgraded from his previous associates then.


	15. and pull, my little ribs around you

Lili leaned casually against the wall, eyes focused on the doorway in front of her. She crossed her arms over her chest, keeping steady as she waited. Lili could manage some patience. No one had done the smart thing and put restrictions on where she could go in the building. Lili suspected it was a mixture of not thinking about it and not wanting to reveal she was alive just yet.

Not to mention the whole complicated matter of her dad- The Grand Head's home being broken into. The security risk was big enough to shift attention elsewhere. The Grand Head's safety was immensely important, especially after that disastrous kidnapping affair.

Lili was fine with that. It gave her free-reign to wander some. For now it meant she had found her way to the interrogation rooms located deep in the bowels of the facility. After skimming through some paperwork she knew well enough her father's would be kidnappers had ended up here. Carbe "Hotdog" Dreg and Tommy "toy" Boykins. Two incredibly low level psychics that worked with a psychic with empathetic abilities strong enough to boost all of them, Lucille Frappi. Psychics of her caliber were immensely rare, purely passive abilities that boosted other psychics.

"Lili, you should not be here." Sasha's voice only made her smile as she glanced over at him.

She offered Sasha an idle wave. "It's never stopped me before." Given his resigned expression her guess was true enough.

"I know, which worries me. This is too close for you to be privy to any of this." He joined her by the wall, even with his vague disapproval. Apparently he couldn't keep away either.

"I could say the same for you. I mean, you did date my dad." Sasha openly winced a little at that, clearly not fond of talking about that even now. An emotional fling that crashed and burned wasn't his favorite topic. "Ach. Lili."

"I'm just saying." She shrugged now, her smile taking on an amused edge. "Besides, I know you. You've been reading over the case file. We're both kind of compromised here."

"To say the very least." He adjusted his sunglasses, avoiding her gaze. Lili watched him now, trying to feel out what he was thinking. "Your father won't be happy."

"He hasn't been happy for awhile…" She chewed on her bottom lip idly, struck by the deep damning urge she had to be good. A good daughter. Was this Lili Crenshaw speaking or Lili Zanotto? "I'm gonna just do what I want and see where it goes." She finished realizing she had dropped off what she had been saying.

Sasha stared at her now, "That isn't all that unusual Ms. Zanotto." She nodded mutely, relief rolling through her at his conformation. The relief didn't last long as the metal door leading to interrogation room #4 opened. An agent in a suit stepped out, pausing at the sight of the two of them. He firmly closed the interrogation door behind him, bolting it shut before facing the two again. Likely other agents were escorting the psychic terrorists back to their temporary holding rooms.

"Agent Nein, ma'am." He greeted, obviously not recognizing her.

"Agent Herold. Do you have any updates on the case?" Sasha took charge, standing tall now. His authority lone made the younger agent nod, forgetting protocol in favor of Sasha's clout. "Yes, we've had enough time to engage both men. Both are from the Black Cobra organization. They're working on retrieving a lost captive but wouldn't actively name names. We intend on pushing them for more."

Sasha adjusted his sunglasses now, "I see. Did you learn intentions with the Grand Head?"

That much made Agent Herold pause, he frowned in turn as he stepped back slightly. "Sasha, I shouldn't be saying any of this to you. You aren't on this case."

"I am a senior agent, given my extensive interaction with various psychic terrorist groups, I can offer some assistance and further information to help build a better case."

"Agent Nein, with all due respect, that is…"

"Much more than you actually have." Lili cut in smoothly, walking forward. "It's better if you work with him."

Agent Herold blinked rapidly clearly thrown off by that, staring at Lili uncertainly. "And who are you?"

"Lili Zanotto." She stated pointedly, "They were after me. The Black Cobra's held me as a captive for two years. I'm assuming they're here to wipe out the proof of that much. They were the group that captured several psychics from an affiliate building."

The color dropped from the man's features, his mouth fell open as he stared at Lili. It was like he had seen a ghost given his expression. The redhead reached out to close his jaw. "Close your mouth, you're going to gather flies that way."

Sasha gave an undignified laugh at that, failing to cover it up entirely.

###

"Good news, bad news." Raz announced as he stepped into the lounge that had become their unofficial meeting room. He dropped his bag on the floor moving to deposit himself in a bean bag chair. Sasha was currently partially sunken in one looking like a mildly ruffled cat, attempting dignity and failing entirely.

"And-?" Lili questioned, squinting back at her boyfriend.

"Good news! Milla is on her way back!" Sasha nearly shot out of his bean bag at that, managing to catch himself before he fell. "Did she call you?"

"She called Truman, who called me, to tell you." Raz stated simply back. He had to smile a little at Sasha's reaction. Milla and Sasha were usually attached at the hip, so the german man had missed his partner immensely. "Her mission is over and she's on her way home."

"And the bad news?" Lili wasn't entirely sure how to feel about Milla yet.

"Wellll…." Raz tented his fingers now, gaze drifting back to Lili. "Your dad is gonna have to announce your return, so we're gonna have to find a place for you to live. Staying in HQ with everyone knowing will be kind of a pain in the ass."

Sasha gave a thoughtful sound at that. "Normally you could stay with your father, but- his home is currently compromised."

"So you have options, after Milla is briefed, you could stay with her. You could stay with me or Sasha and his boyfriend."

"Did dad not offer-?" Lili was a bit weirded out by the hurt at the thought, resting a hand against her heart warily. Raz reached out to rub her back gently.

"He did, but he's kinda in a hotel right now. He didn't want to make it awkward from what I could tell." Raz shrugged a little awkwardly still rubbing Lili's back at this point attempting to offer her comfort. The redhead had to smile at that. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to move in with you."

"Nothing too unusual, we lived together before."

"Given the situation, it would be best if you two begin the process immediately." Sasha stated simply, "Better to be away from here before the reveal."

Lili nods in agreement. "Right." She exhales now, changing subjects for now. "First, lets finish this. I was telling Sasha about Frappi."

"I'm still saying she used her powers to knock your powers down enough to control you in the first place."

"Razputin, it was paired with the medication Lili was on. Usually even with medication most don't lose their sense of self. Just their core abilities whilst on the medication."

"Pair that with destroying memory reels, it means things weren't great." Talking about herself like this still proves… odd. Lili prefers thinking of it as a case to work on, opposed to the reality her life was wholly smashed to pieces by a handful of psychics looking for something. Psychonauts secrets? A sense of control? Even now Lili didn't have a motive. That much was frustrating in itself. Lili wanted to know why. Why had they done this? Why was she the last of the kidnap victims to hold out? There are so many questions left unanswered.

###

The next few days had been wildly filled with doctor's appointments of all kinds. Dr. Evergreen and Holly Comondo prove to be intent on helping Lili in anyway they can when it comes to her recovery. Ruby devises a meal plan Lili isn't wholly fond of, but tolerates. After moving in with Raz, it is much easier to eat normal meals opposed to having someone swing by with take out.

Raz is only mildly concerned by her portion sizes when it comes to meal time, fussing and doubling the two bites of food she initial puts out for herself. Lili starts to see some minor changes, color returning fully to her face, her hair has some semblance of texture once again and her bones become marginally less prominent upon viewing.

The added bonus of it all is waking up next to Raz. Lili finds more comfort than she ever realized in having his presence with her regularly. Most nights she stays close basking in the natural heat radiating off of her boyfriend. She feels like leech, but he never turns her away.

These days he holds onto her as much as possible. Some part of her is worried the high of finding one another again will go away, but she doesn't dwell on it. She's Lili Zanotto. She's been Raz for years, she knows Raz.

She isn't Lili Crenshaw, she isn't someone who worries about every breath.

Sometimes he wakes up in a panic, afraid she's gone until he feels her. Even her faint telepathy feels that much from Raz. She reaches out to comfort him, running a hand across his arm.

He buries his face in the back of her neck, holding onto her desperately. "I love you."

Lili wants to laugh as much as she wants to cry. "I love you too."


	16. The rungs of me be under, under you

Surprise author note! If you guys want more current updates for White Capsules, def head to my AO3 account! I update there way more frequently. Right now I'm posting backlog from there here!

###

The thunk of something hefty settling on the table next to her startles Lili out of her brief reprieve. The book she had been trying to read still open in her lap, still on the page she drifted away from earlier. She snapped the book shut, not caring too much about losing her place.

"I thought you'd be interested in this." Sasha's voice was smooth, familiar, grounding. Lili simply arched a brow back at him. Her gaze dropped to the desk, surprised to see a manila folder of substantial size settled there. The name on the top was unfamiliar. She reached out to flip it open, curiosity to investigate herself winning out over just asking. The picture on file made her stomach drop.

Charlie. A lanky redheaded man with dark brown eyes and a slightly upturned nose. There is a slight gap between his front bottom teeth. The smile she remembered from the photo shown to her back in London is gone in its place is a sharp scowl. The scowl seems so much more fitting, like it was carved into his face from birth.

"Given that look on your face, it seems I found the right file." The German man stated simply back, drawing her gaze back towards him. He adjusted his sunglasses trying to play it cool. The problem with that was Lili could always see right through him.

"How did you even find this?"

"Your description of him rang a bell to me." Sasha rolled his shoulders, "I'm fairly sure I've arrested this man before, more than once." Given how big the file was, Lili wasn't surprised. Given what she remembers distantly, she cannot feel surprise at the news. "He's not a head figure in any psychic terrorist group, but he's always lurking with various groups. Prone changing sides."

"Is he known for taking pleasure in torturing captives?" She questions slowly. His real name is Gregory Charlie Nelson.

Sasha pauses in a way that Lili knows is dangerous. A predator hearing prey rustling in the distance. An alerted predator planning something. A predator sharpening its claws in preparation. "He is known for that."

"Mhm." She shifts her chair over to read the file more thoroughly. The psychic is intent on knowing more if she's going to do something about Charlie. "Good to know."

"Lili…"

"Just curious." She states simply back, already reading Sasha's body language, Sasha was going to rip the man's head off if he had the chance. She could only guess her father, Milla and Raz would be just as bad. Hell, her father would be the one angriest if there was a scale to go by.

Being loved is weird, but gratifying. Maybe a little annoying too.

###

She comes in like a rush of color, a breath of fresh air filling the chilly hallways of Psychonauts HQ. Milla Vodello is not someone you can't miss without actively trying. Lili knows Milla is back nearly immediately from the low chatter amongst agents of her arrival and the seeming cheeriness Milla seems to infect places with. The Mental Minx brings energy with her in a way that's hard to truly pin down. What felt bleak has become colorful.

Some part of her has to worry, what will Milla think of her now? The dusty skeletal remains of Lili Zanotto reformed into a new person weaker Lili Frances Crenshaw. That worry carries Lili through the rest of her interviews and her free time waiting in the lounge for Raz to appear. Lili manages some distraction by reading what books are left out in the lounge. She'll get one or two pages in before swapping to another book in vain, then another and another. The redhead can't focus the way she wants to. It isn't the book as much as it is her attention span at the moment. She's nearly on the edge of giving up reading when the door opens and Milla breezes inside. Apparently no one had told her Lili was in this lounge given the shock written across her face.

The two women stop and stare at one another for a long moment. Lili opens her mouth to try and say something before she finds herself swung into Milla's grasp, warm arms wrapped around her. Her seat in the bean bag chair forgotten as Lili found herself on her feet. The familiarity of the affection is disorienting and welcoming in equal parts. A slow trickle of comforting familiarity pools in the back of Lili's mind, the pieces of Disco Woman come back in a small way. A reminder she can trust Milla. Milla's embrace is akin to a warm blanket being slung over her shoulders, something Lili didn't know she missed until she had it again.

"Oh my darling- Lili!"

"Hi." She manages weakly back, baffled after a moment when she realizes she's clinging to the other woman in kind. Whatever apology wants to fall from her lips is pushed back by Milla's grip tightening, the Mental Minx clearly is just as desperate to hold Lili.

"Sweetie. My god- you're- you're even taller now." Milla only pulled back to smile at Lili. Tears were bright in her eyes, the sight only made tears rise to the surface for Lili as well.

"Stop being so short." She choked out awkwardly, trying to contain the urge to cry and failing.

"I'll try my best, baby." Milla so easily guided the redhead towards a couch, Lili found herself readily moving with the Brazilian woman. "Tell me about you, how have you been so far?"

Lili opens her mouth and everything comes spilling out in a way that isn't as guarded as she'd like. Milla listens, rubbing her back gently but never interrupting the redhead whilst she speaks. Even with Raz she doesn't let him see some of her vulnerabilities. Lili knows her boyfriend is already worried enough about her. She's not unaware of his lingering concerned glances that far too quickly shift into an approximation of a casual smile when she looks at him. The cracks in his facade are hard to miss when she's known Raz for this long.

Lili Zanotto cares about people. Lili Frances Crenshaw wouldn't. That much Lili feels like she knows now about herself.

####

It started off as just a twinge. A simple enough twinge that leaves Lili mildly irritated, but not really paying it much mind. Even when it happens again she brushes it off without much thought. Lili assumes it's a headache forming or trying to form, so she continues to not think on it. Her morning and afternoon blissfully go by with only a minor twinge or two in the back of her mind.

She manages to work out the kinks in her dietary plan, on top of that is interviews with Psychonauts officially to convey what had happened and slowly work on regaining some semblance of muscle with light exercises as she waits for Raz. Even if she's not officially an agent with Psychonauts anymore, Raz still has case work to do and a partner he works with. She burns time with interviews some days, other days she has so many hours she doesn't know what to do with them. Today is one of those days.

Lili groans a little flopping back in the grass around the quarry that the HQ lives in. It is one of the rare moments she's actually alone. Raz isn't hovering, either of her two doctors aren't asking questions, Milla or Sasha aren't fussing in their own specific ways and her dad isn't awkwardly making small talk to try and bridge the gap between them. Truman still makes a strong amount of time for her, even with the clusterfuck of paperwork the break in brought and having to manage things around her case without getting 'too involved'. She's being interviewed by people who haven't worked closely with her father from another branch of the agency.

Lili rolls onto her side, not caring too wildly if her borrowed clothes from Raz get dirty. Given half of the things Raz got into, his shirt and pants were in better hands with her. She picks at a loose thread idly, wondering if Raz will actually mend it or ignore it later. She spares the two five pound weights a disapproving glance wishing she could get back to what she should be faster. Lili lets her eyes close, exhaling as the sun disappears behind some clouds. The threat of rain is there, but Lili doesn't care too much.

Discomfort pools in the back of her mind, now, making Lili rub at her face in irritation. She shifts how she's laying, covering her eyes with her hands as the discomfort grows. Pressure pushes against her eyes and makes her grit her teeth. The sudden pain is weird and annoying. A brief blip of worry rises to the surface before it's just gone. Everything is fine. She just needs to move around.

She moves to sit back up, looking back over at the greenery surrounding her. Maybe a walk would do her good? She forces herself up feeling a little weird but hoping a walk will shake her out of this feeling. Her shoes scuff against the dirt and rocks of the pathway leading towards the lake nearby. The quarry is huge and varied in a way Lili used to love exploring as a child. One path leads to the lake, another leads to the thicketed forest. The forest is far more familiar to her than the lake is.

Walking takes some of the pressure off, which is a relief. The lower she gets the less her head hurts. "Thank god." She exhales lowly to herself. She takes time to slow down to stay balanced as she walks down the well worn pathway. Many a psychic have had a quiet moment down here it seems.

Lili kicks a stray rock down the pathway watching it clatter downwards, kicking up dirt as it goes. She manages to not lose her footing as she continues downward. The walk at least gives her time to breath. Lili pats her pockets searching for the burner phone she had bought, maybe she should text Raz or Milla-

No. No, this was fine. She didn't need to tell them everything. Her hand drops at her side, feeling foggier and foggier. Lili scrubs her face, confusion twisting in her gut. "What?"

Her foot seem to be moving on their own, leading her towards the lake. Lili stumbles awkwardly, nearly falling over as she tries to stop. Her body manages to stay upright heading towards the lake proper. Each step is something she can't quite stop, no matter how hard she attempts to. That much sends Lili in a panic, her heart hammering in her chest as she realizes what is happening.

Everything is okay. The low voice in the back of her mind yanks on her, trying to comfort her. The voice feels like fingers digging into her hair, yanking and pulling her forward against her will. A mental force taking control of her unprotected mind aggressively. Lili knows that voice, hearing it again enrages her.

"No-" She argues back, pushing back as hard as she can. Lili digs her heels into the sand, forcing herself to stand still even if her body desperately wants to move towards the body of water. Her legs jerk and twitch whilst she stays steady as human possible. The struggle eventually make her knees give out of under her. The psychic hits the ground hard. Hard enough to knock the air out of her lungs. The added shock of actually hitting water makes Lili flounder. The lake isn't terribly deep, but her body sinks like an anvil.

When the realization of what, who this is hits her Lili howls angrily. Disgust rolling through her.

" ** _Fuck you, Lucille_**!" She yowls before losing control again, finding herself sinking into the water. Lili loses control completely and can't even struggle against the disgusting feeling of someone else in her mind.


	17. I'll cut the soft pockets, let bleed

_"Say it."_

She gags, choking against the water flooding her lungs as she squirms against the utter useless dead weight of her body. She wants to thrash and swim towards the surface but finds her limbs uncooperative. Everything is out of her grasp, out of her ability. Lili realizes she has no control of her body, none. Made worse by the other woman's voice echoing in her head. A constant barrage Lili can't make heads or tails of.

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

 _"Say it."_

Her limbs feel numb, like they aren't a part of her. Lili finally manages to catch control of a single limb reaching towards the surface of the lake, her fingers not even grazing the surface at this point. Her struggle to find something meant she lost valuable time to know how far into the lake she is in. Lucille had utter control and Lili never knew it was something one could do. Much less she was vulnerable enough to have it happen.

" _T_. "

She simply screams at Lucille, inhaling more and more water with each screech. Her captor, her torturer, her fake mother. Lili can feel her awareness fading as she starts to really drown. She's at the bottom of the lake, on her knees, unable to rise. The toes of her shoes are buried in the wet mud of the lake's bed. One hand is dug deep into the mud. The other arm is uselessly up, reaching for what she cannot have.

" _U_."

With as much anger as she can muster Lili shoves back with all of her mental force, every bit of herself, every ounce of everything she can find. _**FUCK YOU**_! Lili dimly is surprised at the silence that follows, at the rush of something she hasn't had in quite awhile. Not that she dwells on it long, her eyes slide shut and she simply lets go.

####

Death does funny things to people. Death always has. Death makes you remember. Death makes you remember what was lost. Broke off bits of glass and cellophane settle where they should.

Lili is acutely aware of the chill of death brushing its lips against the back of her neck, cold skeletal hands wrapping around her throat. She opens her mouth, laughing into deaths face as she falls comfortably into its stranglehold. She cries as she laughs, tears floating upwards in bubbles.

A skeletal digit digs into skin, cutting deep. Blood taints the water around them, her tears turn red. Her skin is stained, tainted. She's a **R**. Even in death she knows this. Lili Frances Crenshaw dies. Lili Zanotto dies.

Distantly she hears a splash.

Distantly she hears "Lili. Stay with me!"

Distantly she recalls the touch of something warm. Fingers of the fleshy sort wrap around her wrist.

###

She jolts into being as water is forced out of her lungs. Lili can only cough, wheezing as she blinks rapidly. She can't focus, she can't think. A hand is pressed against her cheek. A voice is talking.

She swallows air desperately, inhaling as much as she can only making herself cough more. A familiar voice gently offers what Lili assumes are comforting words. She closes her eyes trying to think. She gags a little, coughing and retching water.

The steady hands help her sit up to retch properly, all that comes up is water and remainders of a meal. She starts shaking now, unable to stop as arms wrap around her. The other person is wet too. She rubs at her eyes, finally just settling into reality.

"Lili." Raz's voice is steady, easing. Fear and exhaustion are at the edges of his face. Lili can see it clear as day. "I'm right here."

"Right." She chokes out. "Right."

"What happened?"

"I- lake."

Raz simply holds her close, "Water sucks." Lili grunts back, feeling like her head is still firmly dunked in the lake at this point. Raz only releases her to pick up his discarded coat. He drapes it over her carefully, moving to help her up onto her feet. The sky cracks over head, thunder making the pair jump. The two don't get any further warnings as the weather finally shifts. Raz forms a shield over their head as rain starts to pour down over them. Lili looks at Raz blankly before gazing out at the lake, she can see her other shoe floating in the water.

"Can you talk?" He holds her hand, curling their fingers together. Their walk forward is slow. Lili can only lurch forward, disoriented.

"Yeah."

"What happened?" He repeats from earlier.

"I- Lucille. I felt her in my head." Lili stumbles a little, being caught by Raz once again. He holds her steady once again.

" _Shit_."

Lili grunts again, holding onto Raz tightly now. "How did you-?" How did he know? How did he know she was here? Raz seems to understand what she's saying though.

"Lili, you like… psychic-ly exploded." He makes a vague gesture with his free hand. "Everyone in the agency felt it. You made the lights go out."

Lili can only blink weakly in turn, confused. "I'm… Barely psychic anymore." A guilty thing she had been avoid thinking about. She hadn't been able to do much with her powers. After having so much control over them, not having them was frustrating, embarrassing.

"Well, you're psychic enough." Raz hesitates before finally moving to just pick Lili up. "I'm so not used to you being so light." He tries to make light of a shitty situation, his smile strained.

"Stop being fake happy." Lili states pointedly, too tired to bullshit around. "Please." Raz winces at being called out, letting himself look genuinely unhappy at least.

"Okay." He clutches her close, levitating up the path, obviously in a hurry to get inside. Lili is too tired to make much of a conversation. Her head is ringing and she feels… wrung out.

"Please tell me you didn't jump in the lake…" She finally says, feeling a little sick at the thought. The feeling of how wet Raz's shirt is against her cheek only makes the thought smack her soundly across her mind.

"I- had to."

"Raz!" She manages a rush of anger. "You- the!"

"I know!" He bites back out, grip tightening around Lili now. "I couldn't let you just drown and wait for help!"

She snapped back at him, smacking his arms in frustration. "You could have died!"

Raz did not budge on the issue, his resolve firm. "You were dying!" Lili groaned, thunking her face against Raz's chest, frustrated at the hero antics.

"Fuck. Fuck today."

"Yes. Agreed."

###

The flurry of panicky people is annoying enough to make Lili consider dunking herself back in the lake. She and Raz are in the infirmary by now, Milla, Sasha and Truman having found them after a doctor paged for them. Milla's expression is strained, the Brazilian woman is patting her arm gently. "They'll settle soon enough, darling."

Raz for his part is playing interference, keeping inquisitive agents from getting too close. Even though he's soaked completely through he's doing his best. Truman is at Raz's side redirecting people with more authority. Seeing Raz leave a trail of water behind him makes her glad enough she's in a fabric gown from the infirmary. The gown is itchy, but better than being wet in already borrowed clothing.

Sasha simply hands a silver flask over to Lili. "After the examination, I think you'll need this." Lili unscrews the cap, taking a sniff and wincing. Whatever is in here is harder than Lili usually drinks. Leave it to Sasha to find a drink powerful enough that it would rot metal out of wood.

"Sasha!" Milla is not as scandalized as she could be, she sounds more like a disappointed parent. A parent who has seen this happen more than once. "I told you not to bring that with you."

"This has been a traumatic time for everyone, Milla. A man is allowed to drink away his feelings." He says it so dryly Lili wonders if he's trying to mask the fact it's probably true at this point. Sasha doesn't do emotions as well as the rest of them.

"It is the american way of coping…" Lili states as she screws the lid back on. Milla mutters something lowly in Portuguese. Sasha casually shrugs as he speaks, "My boyfriend let me borrow it for now. I'm fairly sure he knows you'll take care of it." His words are more for Lili, but Milla isn't terribly enthused.

"I am going to have a very serious talk with both of you later." Milla warns lowly, narrowing her eyes. Lili isn't entirely sure if Milla means a talk with Lili herself and Sasha or Sasha and his boyfriend. The redhead decides not to dwell on it for now. Lili simply places the flask on the tool table, contemplating if she should just drink some now.

Before long both of her two doctors, Dr. Comondo and Evergreen alongside a team of Psychonauts Agents appear. All Lili can do is grimace, already knowing her day is going to get longer. So, so much longer.

###

Lili pinches the bridge of her nose unhappily as she waits for the group to finish talking amongst themselves, wondering if it is too late to take a swig from the flask at this point. Her father is at her side now, rubbing her shoulder gently. That much at least is keeping her from loudly cutting into the whispered conversation going on a few feet away.

"They had better finish this talk or I'm going to just leave."

"Lili, I'm sure they're nearly done." Truman is the patient one in their family relationship. Lili took more after her mother in having very little patience for social graces. Particularly low patience for stupid social graces. "I'm going to start mentally counting to ten, if they don't get over here…."

Thankfully the group, don't take much longer. An Agent Lili isn't familiar with approaches, a large dark skinned woman with short dark brown cropped hair. It's almost a classic bob, but on the edge of being a pixie cut. Her glasses are sliding down the bridge of her nose at this point. Even with her stature her demeanor reads control. The taller agents fall in line behind her naturally.

"Ms. Zanotto, I'm head of your case." She offers in turn, her voice is low, but firm. "Agent Wren. Given the nature of your case I've been unable to make my official introductions. My apologies it had to come now. Pleasantries aside, I'm here to tell you about your mind and its current status. I won't mince words with you given your tenure as a Psychonaut, I know you can handle the information."

The other woman being straight forward does a fair job of making Lili marginally relax, tension unwinding from her shoulders. Whilst she relaxes Truman tenses next to her. "Good. I- am not in the mood for babying right now."

"Understood." Agent Wren pushed her glasses up, holding Lili's gaze as she continued. "Due to your association with Truman Zanotto," Her gaze briefly bounced to Truman, "My team has not been able to do a full sweep of your mind. Dr. Comondo and Agent Aquato's reports have been what we've mostly been working off of and your various interviews over the past few months. We intended on doing a personal sweep this week to make sure things lined up, but- timing pushed things forward to today." She made a vague hand motion at the redhead. Lili simply listens waiting to see where things go, bracing for something terrible whilst she can tell her father isn't quite as prepared. "Your mindscapes crack was caused by over use of Psi-trite and mental meddling. In particular we've found the biggest source for why your abilities have dropped off so strongly. It seems one of your captors has been using you as a mental power source of sorts. A conduit."

Lili has to blink slowly at that, thrown off by that bit of news but nodding slowly. "Lucille Frappi?"

Agent Wren arches a brow back, an amused smile reaching the surface before it disappears. "Correct. She has incredible empathetic abilities, which allow her to strength or weaken someones powers if she is near them. She and Gregory Charlie Nelson both possess these powers in varying degrees. By themselves their powers are entirely passive, almost useless. If they're around weak psychics they can't do much, if they're around strong psychics they can wreck havoc for example. No official training from us, simply them working off of what they know. So all of their work was not the strongest. It's obvious they've never went into a mind properly before to do any work, usually both act more as a hive mind of power boosting.

You're one of the highest rank agents for a reason, Zanotto. Your abilities out weigh theirs immensely. Once the trio managed to weaken you enough, they placed a conduit to power Lucille by using you." The dark haired woman slowly shook her head. "An idiotic plan if you ask me, it wasn't bound to last once your mind started mending itself. Your mind was rejecting the falsified memories and the conduit shoved in its hub. The crack in your mind only got worse because it is trying to expel what was placed inside of it. It has been leading to psychic build up that could crack your mental landscape in half fully if unchecked. Similar to Ford Cruller's case."

Lili stole a glance at her father, realizing he was going pale. She simply reached out to rub his arm now. The thought was a little scary, but not any worse than anything else that had happened. "And?"

"The good news is Lucille is an amateur and has no idea how to really conceal what she's done from prying eyes." Agent Wren chuckled lowly at that, a more pleased look touching her features. "Your psychic build up proved to be a good thing. She pissed you off enough you blasted her across the sea back where she came from. Along with knocking out the power in this building for a full minute."

Lili had to admit she felt… oddly satisfied to hear that. Proud even. "Good."

"She's going to be mentally shaken and knocked down a few pegs." Agent Wren was decidedly proud and smug in equal measure, Lili had to smile a little herself now. Seeing the other agent be proud of her felt nice. "She left her mental fingerprints everywhere, so when we catch her, it should be easy enough to convict." She waved a hand shifting gears now, back to seriousness. "So far we've closed the doorways to your mind that were left behind and are working on fully reconstructing what was lost. The only bad news is your abilities are all out now, and likely to go haywire. Dr. Ruby Evergreen is going to give you a psychic safe medication to help steady it out. She'll go over the details of that with you."

Lili wrinkles her nose a little, not terribly happy to hear she's going to be on medication. "Greaaat."

Agent Wren merely shrugged, "Take it up with her, I'm just the one making sure your head doesn't pop off your shoulders." Truman coughed a little forcefully, making the two women glance at him. "Its true enough, Sir." Not apologizing for her phrasing as she walked off. Truman didn't look wholly thrilled, simply clutching onto his daughter for dear life.

Lili casually picked up the flask, unscrewed it and passed it to her father. Truman eyed the silver flask for a long moment, taking it carefully from her hand knocking it back wordlessly.


	18. Over the rocky cliffs that you leave

Yo, enjoy CH 18! A true rare break for ya'll. Since I've been doing so many dream sequences, text messages here are gonna be italic & bold. Since I can't really change font sadly.

####

The monotony of going in, sitting down and psychics picking through her brain does little to make Lili's mood any brighter over the next week. Raz is the brightest spot for her, even then he's clearly strained. Worry is written in his body language, in his expressions when he's sure Lili isn't looking. Truman isn't looking any better the few times he's allowed to sit in as her father opposed to as Grand Head.

With the case officially off the ground and Lili's return fully announced after blowing the power, it means what information gathering she was doing on her own is considerably hampered. Lili will poke at other agents for information when things are quiet again, for now she has to play by the rules. A routine slowly falls into place once again now that the agents are sure Lucille can't get back into her mind. Major mind landscaping, freeing mental residents, tamping down mania's and corralling nightmares. Lili knows a lot is happening even if it only takes half a second for her. Most of it is followed by actual therapy with Holly. By that point Raz or Truman leave.

Lili feels weird having her own unit of people putting her back together to say the least. She feels like a jigsaw being reassembled after being knocked to the floor.

#####

"I'm stressing you out." It isn't a question as much as a statement that makes Raz pause in the morning. He has a toothbrush poking out of the corner of his mouth. He blinks tiredly back at her, barely awake at this point. Lili for her part is very awake and plowing forward with this one sided conversation. "Do you need space? I don't want to keep you stressed, Raz."

Raz pulls his tooth brush out, holding a finger up to signify he needed a second. He spit out his toothpaste slush from his mouth, turning to face his girlfriend fully. "Okay, letssss, take a step back. What are you talking about?"

"I'm stressing you out." A statement once again, Lili pushes at the topic holding Raz's gaze.

"The situation is stressing both of us out." Raz states firmly back, leaning against the bathroom counter. His girlfriend looms over him and he's content to just look up at her while they talk. "This whole situation is kinda… shitty. To be like underselling it completely." Raz being honest about the situation does make Lili relax marginally.

"I know you still have a case load, so- I could stay with someone else for a week or something?" It's a rough idea at best, but Lili isn't sure what else offer. Raz isn't wholly on board with the idea, he wrinkles his nose a little in turn. "Who would you stay with?"

"Sasha or Milla probably." She rubbed the back of her neck, "If they're okay with it anyway. I want to give you some time."

"You don't have to Lils." He set his toothbrush down for now, reaching up to wrap his arms around his tall girlfriend. His beard tickled the bare skin of her collarbone. Lili curled her arms around Raz in turn, "I know, I just… I don't want you to get tired of me."

"For one, I'm not tired of you. I'm never gonna be tired of you." He pressed his cheek against her now. Bright green eyes found her golden ones as he looked up at her. "I love you. I want you to be happy."

Lili blinked a little, struck at how genuine it was. "Dork."

"Yes." He agreed casually, nuzzling into her gently. "I'm serious though. Do you want to go for a week?"

"Kind of. I- want to give you some space to breath, Raz. You have a caseload still, you're still on active duty." Raz gave a thoughtful sound at that, he turned the thought over in his head. "Okay, lets say two weeks, primarily so I can put in paperwork for a vacation, sabbatical, whatever. Then you're stuck with me 24/7."

Lili nodded, relieved to hear that in a way. "Would you want to-?"

"Duh, Lils. I'm here for you. The time will help- so I can prep to face whatever bs is coming our way next." He stuck his tongue back at her. Lili just laughed, "You mean prepare for my strict diet plan and work out plan?"

"I'm you're personal coach now, Lili." He pulled away to grin at her, he mimicked Coach Oleander's voice now. "Drop and give me 20, solider!"

"Oh my god." She laughed, covering her face now. "Don't ever do that again."

"Who's coaches little bunny?!"

"Oh my godddd." Lili just hefted Raz up for a kiss to shut him up. Raz gave helpful finger guns in response amidst the kiss.

####

By the time the late afternoon rolled around, Raz was out cold. His head pillowed against her thighs as Lili reclined on the couch. She spared her boyfriend a fond look, picking his cell phone up to text Sasha.

 ** _'I talked with Raz. Is it okay if I stay with you this week?'_** She hit send, tucking the phone against her chest for the moment, back to watching Raz. His snoring was making what fat coming back on her thigh jiggle slightly. Lili smiled a little, feeling kind of excited to get some kind of fat back. She wasn't sure if she'd be back to being as muscular, but it was worth a shot to try.

The phone buzzed against her chest. She flipped it up to peek at the screen. Sasha's message lit up the lock screen.

 ** _'Ja. I'll have Eddie pick you up on Monday.'_** She swiped to open the phone, texting back.

 _ **'Eddie?'**_

Sasha's reply was immediate. **_'My boyfriend.'_**

Ah. Lili chewed on her bottom lip a little. Looks like she was going to meet Sasha's boyfriend then….

 ** _'Okay, what time?'_**

The two hashed out the time and what she'd need for the mini trip. Once she had it settled with Sasha, Lili texted Milla next.

####

Lili truly contemplated just heading back inside when she saw the car waiting out front for her. The temptation of telling her day to bug off was tantalizing but ignored in favor of approaching the monstrosity of a muscle car idling by the sidewalk in front of Raz's apartment. The man in the drivers seat flipped up his sunglasses with a grin, "Yo." This was not who Lili pictured Sasha was dating. The man was huge, muscular in a way that made her suspicious if he was on steroids at some point and… very casual. He had long black hair tied in a loose bun, a soul patch and fluffy side burns. Jeans, t-shirt and sneakers casual. A grand opposite of Sasha or Milla.

Lili managed to stifle her urge to turn around, managing a simple, "You're the boyfriend?" For the life of her, she could not remember Sasha's boyfriend's name. At all. Shit. Sasha had told her but it never stuck. She hefted up her backpack as she stepped closer to the car.

The man snorted at that, "Oh, I'm 'The Boyfriend', didn't think my title came with a the. Glad I'm important." The brown skinned man didn't take any offense to the comment obviously. "I'm Eddie. I'm assumin' you're Lili?"

"Yes."

"And here I thought Raz was Mini-me of Sasha, christ. You're just takin' the cake here." He shook his head a little, flipping his sunglasses back down as he turned his gaze back towards the street. "Get in loser, we're goin' shoppin'."

Lili paused, "Did you just…." Did this man quote Mean Girls at her. This was more gay than she thought possible.

"Don't got all day, kid." He motioned at the passengers seat, Lili simply sighed and move to open the passenger's side door, getting into the car. She deposited her backpack at her feet for now. Eddie gladly continued where he left off. "Sasha's waitin' for us. He's ridin' backsies since I got you first."

"I've been blessed." She dryly offered back, sarcasm coming easier. "The gods have smiled down upon me."

"Truly, blessed be is we." He clapped his hands together in a mock prayer before moving to un-park the car, revving the engine. Lili was fairly sure if the man could he'd have fire shoot out of the exhaust pipes of this thing. "Buckle in, so you remain fully blessed by the metal gods. You don't wanna be road pizza."

Lili spared the man a long disapproving look as she buckled in. Eddie just laughed, "Sasha's secret love child number 2 fuckin' confirmed."

"I'm ignoring you said that." She dryly cut back in, sinking into the seat. The thought was weird, she was not going to dignify it. Nope.

"Alright, Sasha #2." He casually offered back, "On the agenda for today is droppin' your stuff off and pickin' up Sasha."

The drive itself didn't take long, they arrived at the familiar building of Psychonauts HQ. The public facade looked like any normal brick building in Seattle. It had small glass windows, minimal signage on the building itself. It was small enough and surrounded by greenery it hid the greater expanse of Psychonauts. The plain block letters across the rectangular sign in the front declared it the NATIONAL COMMISSION OF FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY AND REFORM. Sasha was waiting for them by the sign, smoking idly as he gazed at his watch. Eddie casually honked his car horn, startling the smaller man. "Ach! Eddie!"

"C'mon, day dreamer. Get in!"

Sasha frowned a little, dropping his cigarette and grinding it into the pavement under his shoe. "You're a menace." He approached the car now, his lips starting to quirk upwards.

"Yet… you're datin' me." Eddie sounded ponderous of that fact, mockingly rubbing his chin in thought. "Truly, a terrible mistake." Sasha mused, dipping in on the drivers side to steal a kiss. The two men let the kiss linger a little longer than necessary.

Lili awkwardly just sunk into her seat. It was like seeing her parents kiss, this was weird. "Ah-em."

"Uh-oh, we got the smooch police here." Eddie answered with a laugh, Sasha pulled away awkwardly turning red. He moved to open the back door on the drivers side, sitting behind Eddie. "We do have to go somewhere, Eddie."

"Yeah, yeah." He waved a hand, "I'll kiss you more later."

"I'll hold you to that." Sasha offered back, turning to look at Lili now, as he buckled himself in. "Did you have everything you need?"

"Pretty sure I do."

"Are you sure-? I'm sure if you need anything we can stop by CVS…" He stated, trailing off.

"Sasha." Lili sighed, this all felt… familiar. It took her a moment to puzzle out why. Sasha used to babysit her over weekends when she was younger, no wonder he was so fussy. "I'm fine."

"Are you gonna be like this when we have kids?" Eddie mused as he pulled out of his spot, moving to head back out of the parking lot. The question made Sasha smile a little. "Very likely."

"Here I thought you'd be cool dad."

Lili just fiddled with the strap of her seat belt, wondering if she should have gone with Milla first. Yikes. Some part of her wasn't sure what to think of Sasha having a boyfriend. Her dad had been one thing, but- this guy was, something else. He seemed nice so far, but it was hard for her to wrap her head around it. She listened to the two men talk as Eddie drove towards Sasha's home.


	19. To peer over and not forget

Hey nerds remember me?

Whilst this is a short chapter, consider shit back on track. eyyy. I figured keeping it light if not marginally horrifying will do. A bigger chapter will be coming fairly soon.

Don't forget I have this fic on Archiveofourown as well! Same title, same username for me. It updates more frequently there!

####

The familiarity continued upon arrival to Sasha's apartment complex. The complex was surprisingly large and well kept, settled in an artsy neighborhood that had yet to lose its luster. Lili had to wonder if it was less polished looking when she was younger.

Eddie pulled into a parking spot, flipping his sunglasses up with a grin. "Casa-de Nein-Riggs, right ahead of us. I'm sure Sasha can give you a tour of the place so you get your bearings."

"She's been here before, Eddie."

"Ooh, yeah. Well, welcome back." He offered sheepishly back, unbuckling his seat belt before launching himself over the drivers side car door, somehow landing on his feet. Lili had to just stare in confusion for a long moment as Sasha laughed. Sasha laughing wasn't entirely weird, but unusual given his usually stoic nature.

"He likes to be… dramatic."

"I like makin' things significantly cooler." Was Eddie's protest as he plucked up Lili's bags before she could really react. "Sasha has the flair for the dramatic, I got the rule of cool on my side."

Sasha chuckled lowly as he unbuckled, actually opening his door to step out. Even with his words Sasha was clearly fond of the man in question. "Please ignore him, he's a menace."

"I noticed." Lili readily followed suit, wondering what she had signed up for.

####

Sasha's apartment was what one could expect of Sasha Nein. Bauhaus design choices regarding the interior design of his home. Clean lines, neutral colors with primary colored details for furniture and photos framed in black. One contrasting wall was painted a bright blue, the one facing the window was simply white edging on turning into beige.

The most out of place things were clearly brought by Sasha's boyfriend. Heavy metal band posters, metal dragon statues, replica weaponry hung up on the walls. A record player was stashed in the corner next to a red couch, a large shelf full of jazz, classical music, heavy metal and mariachi were arranged alphabetically.

What amounted to a tour was Sasha showing her where her room was and asking how much she remembered. Lili was honest in the fact it wasn't very much yet beyond a fuzzy feeling. Sasha gave her free-reign to look around, only forbidding her from his shared bedroom with Eddie. Lili wasn't about to go snooping there without a good reason. Her own guest room was by far the smallest room in the apartment, painted a friendly yellow color with a white ceiling. It was very newly furnished looking and less lived in than the other rooms. Though Lili could tell Sasha aired it out for her given the fresh smell of the room.

Lili worked on familiarizing herself properly with the place, occasionally finding vague amusement in the odd contrast between the two men in various spots around the apartment. By the front entrance was a coat rack, Sasha's usual structured coats were hung next to a leather jackets or vests covered in colorful pins. Layers of messy paperwork cluttered a corner of a table whilst heavy metal magazines were neatly stacked together on the other side. A small glass dish with keys sat near the door, atop a cubby built for shoes to be stowed away.

The office area was another place of contrasts. Lili recognized Sasha's section of the office from the Kandinsky posters, and ' _I WANT TO BELIEVE_ ' stickers hung over his desk. Not to mention the chaos that was his filing system. Stacks upon stacks of unwieldy folders, loose papers and photos wobbled on his desk, threatening to topple onto the stray coffee mugs present. Two filing cabinets flanked both sides of his plain wooden work desk, a black chair was pushed forward butting against the desk itself. Lili could already guess it too had paper work on the seat. When she walked by a little plastic alien shape ship bobbled and wobbled a bit more than it likely should have. It was all very Sasha in a way most people rarely got to see. People assumed Sasha was immaculately organized. In reality he was walking fire hazard with parental issues.

Eddie's side of the office was shockingly overly organized. Nothing was out of place given the cleaner nature of it. Oddly Eddie's desk was an adjustable drafting table, tools for drawing were laid out neatly on a small side equally adjustable side table. Another record player was crammed against the wall in the corner next to his desk along with several regularly played records given the fact their sleeves were within reach. Above Eddie's desk were framed photos of Eddie and Sasha, framed ticket stubs and backstage passes for various concerts and a signed poster for a band Lili had never heard of. Everything was even and hung well, but decidedly more colorful and lively in contrast to Sasha's side.

The back wall of the office had a couch and a water cooler, showing the pair were in the office fairly often. Somehow Lili wasn't too surprised. Sasha at least was a workaholic. Eddie might be as well given his own office set up was just as robust as Sasha's own.

The rest of the apartment was very much a shared space. Shared enough Lili could tell the two were fairly together at this point. It still felt… weird.

Even with how scrambled her memories were, she always thought of Sasha as just… Sasha. An awkward parental figure who really didn't know how to deal with children, but did try his best.

Her time there found a steady enough routine, she would go to Sasha back to HQ. Go through her usual plan whilst there, therapy, mind rebuilding and interviews, come back with him at the end of the day for dinner. By the time they arrived Eddie had already put a meal out. Eddie always seemed to be the one cooking. Sasha's attempts were usually take out or something Eddie had pre-made. If not that, Sasha could scramble an egg.

###

 _The feeling of a water droplet splattering against her forehead startled the psychic. Her breath caught in her throat as panic burned through her chest._

 _Quick panicked fingers reached upwards to touch her face. Instead she finds her hands stuck at her sides. Heavy metal braces lock her bodily into place. A weight is resting on her chest leaving the redhead short of breath._

 _The panic only grows worse as more droplets of water begin to fall upon her. A man's voice is barely audible to Lili now. He's saying something indistinct, unimportant. All she can focus on is the droplets._

 _All she knows is the water droplets become, more, and, more._

 _more, and, more, and, more, and more, and more._

 _She cannot breath. All she can hear is echoing laughter and splashing water. The laughter only gets louder now, louder and louder. Warm breath tickles her ears. Her hair stands up on the back of her neck._

 _Before her face is immersed in water completely._

The redhead's eyes flutter open, hand pressed against her chest where she's lain in bed. Her heart is hammering against her ribcage. The panic still courses through her as she forces herself up and out of the borrowed bed. The lack of Raz only makes the sting worse.

She shakes away the ache, focused on putting one foot after the other. She staggers, trying to count breaths. Lili tries to remember what her doctors had told her to do.

The best she manages to leaving her room in the darkness, surprised when she encounters Sasha in the hallway not after that. The house isn't that big, isn't the empty echo chamber that HQ could be some nights.

"Libeling-" It's odd to see him without his sunglasses. His oversized pajama top with a cartoon animal and colorful oversized pants are more familiar to Lili even now than Sasha squinting at her without his sunglasses. The worry written across his features stalls Lili from going any further. "Are you alright-?"

"Not really." She says honestly enough, rubbing at her face. Her other hand still clawed at her chest. "Why? Did I wake you up-?" She hadn't made any sounds as far as she had known. By now the dreams didn't jar her away in any kind of noisy way.

"I felt it-" Sasha admitted be it hesitantly. "I could feel the-" He rubs at his eyes, "I could feel the water."

Lili's eyes widen at that, her breath catching in her throat. "Oh my god- you? I didn't?!" Her hands flutter to her mouth. Even with her struggle to put together a sentence, Sasha knew what she meant. He held a calming palm upwards.

"Lili, you didn't. Don't worry. I didn't get the dream itself. I- only felt some traces of it. Your mind is struggling to process memories still, so I am not surprised." He is definitely worried, but not surprised. Lili can see that on his face.

The redhead sinks back against the doorway torn between embarrassment and frustration. Even with the medication and practice, her powers are still all over the place. Her team had crafted metal shields to prevent this kind of thing, this kind of projection yet… it hadn't stuck. "I can't believe this. This sucks."

"It does indeed suck." Sasha offered back, awkwardly patting her shoulder. Sasha Nein levels of comfort ranged from decent to highly awkward uncle. Now it was highly awkward if not concerned uncle. "But you'll be able to make your own shields soon. It just takes time."

"I want to now." She grumped weakly back, pushing away from the doorway to stalk to the kitchen. The only good thing to come out of this is Sasha telling her. Frustration replaces the fearful uncertainty from earlier. Lili knows how to use anger to her advantage better than she could ever use fear.

Sasha follows after her, his slippered feet making audible enough noises Lili knows even without her abilities where he is. Some bitter part of her wonders if he's doing it on purpose. The bastard.

"Do you want some eggs, because I'm making eggs." She announces more loudly than she intends to, gruffly grabbing a pan from the drying rack near the sink. She places it down on the oven top, flicking on the heat and bustling over to the fridge to grab the egg cartons. She plops them down on the counter, moving to just cook.

The frustration boils over back to embarrassment and Lili is struggling not to chuck something at the wall. "Delicious eggs for egg time."

"…Anything would be fine." Sasha offers back warily, hanging by the kitchen doorway watching her as she pulls everything out. Lili can feel his wince when she lays something down too heavily on a counter or nearly knocks something over in her hurry. Lili doesn't care right now. She's just trying not to feel angry or stupid.

 _'Egg time? Really, why did I even say that?'_ She berated herself as she continued moving around the kitchen.

It doesn't take long before Lili has a slurry of eggs cooking. A haphazard 3am omelette. Sasha has crossed the threshold to stand next to her. Lili glances away from the eggs to look at Sasha again. He looks tired, but present, just squinting at the eggs frying up in the pan now.

"…Am I wearing the top to those pajama bottoms?" The pink and white hearts on the red fabric match the pajama top that was given to her at some point.

Sasha glances over, nodding. "The shirt was too big for me."

Lili grunts a little back. The shirt is on the edge of being too big for her now. Her weight gain has put her back into a healthier range than Sasha. She brushes her hands over the grey raglan style pajama top, pink, white and red hearts decorate the sleeves and front. "Somehow I didn't think this was your style."

"It isn't. This was Milla's. But she never came to get it, so…" He waved a hand.

"So you just used it?" Lili looks up at Sasha squinting at him now.

The German man shrugs tiredly. "It's perfectly good clothing."

"Maybe she wanted it back?" Lili questioned with a tilt of her head.

"Knowing Milla she likely just rebought this set thinking she lost it." Sasha seemed unbothered by the thought. The two fall into a tired silence simply poking at the omelette as it cooks. The spatula passes between the pair wordlessly in the moment.

"Okay, what the fuck are you guys doin'?" Eddie's voice cuts into the silence as he comes around to peer at the two from the kitchen doorway. He looks like he just rolled out of bed awakening to a fairly odd scene. Lili and Sasha both just silently staring at a frying pan and poking at an omelette. "It's nearly 4am. Why the fuck are you makin' omelettes?" The shirtless man scrubs at his face with a hand, leaning heavily into the wooden doorframe.

"Its egg time." Lili's mouth runs before her brain can catch up. Once again, declaring the stupidest thing possible.

Sasha nods solemnly, echoing Lili's sentiment without commentary or explanation. "Egg time." Eddie just glanced between the two warily, opening and then closing his mouth.

"Is this a psychic thing?"


	20. Splitting threads of thunder over me

I'm trying a new way of showing characters are texting, pray for me.

#####

The tinges of cigarette smoke hung in the air, blown away quickly enough by the breeze rolling through the neighborhood. Lili closed the back door to step out fully onto the porch, watching Sasha as he leaned against the railing of his back porch. With the day mostly over he had taken off his blaze. The sleeves of his sweater were rolled up revealing more skin than most people saw when it came to Sasha Nein.

"You should have taken leave." She states simply enough, earning a backwards glance from the german man before his gaze drifted back over his yard. "Ja." He agreed tiredly. "You get here and settle, and I have to run off to another country."

"The universe has some bad timing, huh?"

Sasha grunted tiredly in kind. "I would bring you with me, but I am sure you wouldn't fit in my pocket."

"Well, I'm small enough, it could happen." She joked casually back striding over to join Sasha at the porch railing. The german man stubbed out his cigarette on an ashtray sitting next to him.

"Razputin taking his leave already threw a few missions out of alignment. I suppose Truman even if he wants us here still needs us in action." Not to mention the other top brass of Psychonauts. The board members likely weren't thrilled with the idea of so many of their top agents being sidelined. It was why Lili's initial short stay with Sasha had extended out, became more nebulous.

Lili sighed a little, "He hasn't even been granted leave yet. Knowing our luck both of you are going to be handed some important mission back to back."

"His partner isn't particularly sympathetic." Sasha twisted his cigarette into the ashtray, seemingly intent on crushing it into nothing. "He's been handling most of the paperwork Razputin has pushed off to spend time with you." Sasha if anything cut to the point instead of carefully treading around it.

Even with the sting of honesty, Lili appreciated it more than Sasha using kid gloves around her. "Makes sense. My partner probably would have felt the same way." Lili frowned a little, her mind was struggling to piece together memories of her own partner still. She did at least know her partner had been a woman. A woman she worked well with. "…How is she?"

"Chloe is well. She's been Belarus with Mikhail for the past few months. It's a fairly deep undercover mission." Sasha finally glanced back over at Lili now. "If she wasn't undercover I would have called her for you."

Lili nodded, settling against the railing now. Knowing it was Chloe was helping things slide into place. Certainly explained the long conversations about space. "We were friends right?"

"Yes. Good friends. She and Razputin- well, they helped one another mourn over you." Sasha knit his fingers together. "They looked for you for a very long time. Just as I did."

"They're both kinda stubborn, huh?" She stared out at the back lawn, feeling her heartache in her chest. She placed an uncertain hand against her chest. "Just as bad as you are."

"They're optimists, I'm merely a man who cannot give up on someone I care for." He patted Lili's shoulder gently.

The sound of the porch door opening distracted the two from the quiet. Eddie poked his head out, jerking his thumb towards the kitchen. "Yo, nerds. Dinner."

###

 _Her footsteps sounded loud, echoing in the emptiness around them as Lili found herself drawn to him._

 _He hunched into himself, protectively cradling his chest as his breathing became more and more erratic. His skin started to crack open, plants slowly pushing their way free reaching upwards towards the sky. They sought the sun but found none._

 _Vines slowly started to free themselves, creeping along his exposed shoulders. Blood dripped from the vines, dribbling onto the ground. The red felt so bright against the bleakness around them. Lili had to blink rapidly to adjust her eyes._

 _She continued moving forward, soon enough her the sound of her shoes were amplified by the slap of walking through the blood pooling on the ground._

 _She crouched onto the ground, knees settling in the growing puddle. She reached out. Her fingers skimmed across the open skin on his shoulder._

 _He finally looked up, familiar bright green eyes stared back at her._

Her breath shook as she woke up. Lili sat up slowly, staring out into the darkness as she tried to piece together the dream.

She glanced at her nightstand, picking up her phone to quickly texts Raz.

 **'Are you up?'**

The lack of response makes Lili twist and turn in bed, staring at the wall as she holds onto the cellphone. She's not sure why her hand is shaking. She tries to calm down her breathing as she focused on the moonlight creeping through the blinds of her window.

The buzzing of the phone jerked Lili from her reprieve. Her gaze snapped back to the glowing screen of her cellphone.

 **'Yea, what up? r u ok?'**

 **'Had a dream. Bad dream about you. I just wanted to check on you.'**

 **'I'm ok! how r u? do u want to tell me about the dream?'**

 **'Not really. Maybe in person. I just miss you.'**

 **'do u want me 2 come over soon?'**

 **'Yes.'**

 **'k. see u tomorrow.** ilu lili _._ **'**

 **'I love you too, Raz.'**

She powered down the phone after a moment, setting it back down.

##

Lili rubbed at her eyes tiredly, sighing as she found herself waking up to an empty house. Not surprising given the fact Sasha and Eddie both had work. It was just odd after having people around her nearly constantly since her return, the silence was disconcerting in a way. She exhaled, simply listening to the sounds of the neighborhood waking up alongside her. She listened to the sounds of the neighborhood, cars driving by, birds singing, dogs barking, distant conversations from neighbors.

The redhead took her time to get dressed, intending to jog after breakfast so sliding into something fairly comfortable. Breakfast came next, her appetite was hard to ignore in the moment.

After the 4am eggs, she declined the idea of making anything egg related. Focusing on hash browns, bacon, and some toast with avocados sliced onto it. Enough to fuel her for lunch. More than she used to eat when she lived alone in Europe in her flat.

She eyed her breakfast wondering how the hell she survived on half an apple and soda water for lunch every day. Much less her old breakfast of half a granola bar and milk. She worked on eating, relieved to have real food. Thinking back to those days only made her hungrier.

The psychic wiped her hands on a napkin, hesitating before looking down at herself. It was very different now. Her body was coming back to her. It would still take time to build muscle, but fat was at least returning.

Once she was done, the dishes were cleaned up, left in the drying rack as she put on her sneakers. The redhead scribbled out a note, pinning it to the fridge. Even if Eddie and Sasha were gone, she didn't want to panic the two men about her whereabouts.

She tucked her burner cell in her pocket before leaving the house for her jog. It wasn't the first time she had jogged through this neighborhood, but the idea of spending some time alone sounded nice.

Better than her aborted jogs with Sasha, who usually had lower stamina than she did when it came to running. Now she could out-run him, just barely.

###

Milla's presence at the house was hard to really miss. Even from the outset, Lili could feel the shift as she walked up the sidewalk. Not to mention the bright red sports car parked in the driveway alongside Sasha's more compact European car. His car was parked haphazardly in the driveway, showing even now he couldn't manage to park properly to save his life. Knowing the two, Milla was probably teasing Sasha about his parking.

Lili checked her phone, surprised at lack of messages before continuing her walk towards the house. Looks like her note had done its work. She wiped her brow with the back of her hand, trying to catch her breath as she pondered what inspired the visit.

Knowing Milla, it was probably just because she could. The thought alone made Lili's lips curl into a smile.

"Sasha, Milla?" She called out as she stepped through the front door. The greeting was immediate from the pair, their voices intermingling as they called back from the kitchen. "Darling!" "Lili, hullo." The redhead made her way towards the kitchen, smiling a little more widely at the sight of the two. Both had settled near the kitchen counter next to the coffee maker. The most over used item in the entire kitchen.

"Look at you!" Milla was eager to bridge the gap, expression bright as she reached out to gently tug Lili into a hug. Lili didn't fight it, finding herself returning the hug. Sweaty or not, this was… kind of nice. "You look so much better, baby!"

"Thanks."

"We can blame Eddie for making so much fatty food." Sasha dryly stated from his spot at the counter, sipping at his coffee.

"Fatty food you love, darling." Milla quipped readily back, glancing back at Sasha with a smirk. The man coughed into his hand avoiding her gaze. "I'm fairly sure you write the shopping list with him. Not to mention you'd complain about eating 'rabbit food' if you let him control it."

Lili snorted a little at that, breaking away from the hug.

"Carrots are for ugly people, Milla." Sasha dryly offered back sipping at his coffee. Milla chuckled back, drifting towards the german man to lean heavily on him.

"Are you saying I'm ugly, darling?"

"No, I am saying they make everyone ugly. You don't need carrots." Sasha sipped at his overly sugar saturated drink.

"Good save, Sasha." Lili mused with a shake of her head, moving grab a glass from the cupboard to get herself some water. The thought of coffee made her stomach twist uncomfortably.

"It is not a 'save', it is the truth."

"First aliens, now a carrot conspiracy." Milla mused with a laugh, picking back up her own mug to take a sip at the straight black coffee. "You do know your boyfriend eats carrots, correct? He and I have gone out for lunch before, dear."

Sasha's defense was immediately, maybe a touch huffy. "He's an exception to the rule."

"Mhmm." She gave Sasha's cheek a playful peck. "Brat."

Sasha muttered something in German that made Milla laugh and poke at him. Lili understood maybe a handful of words he said.

"Now, now, last I checked you had somewhere to be, yes?"

Sasha sighed rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses, "True enough. It won't be long. I'm sure Eddie will beat me home by the time I'm finished. Paperwork can apparently not wait."

"When can it in this agency, baby?" She teased back, poking Sasha once again. The german man's lack of reaction indicated this is still a common occurrence. "Go, Lili and I will have some girl time."

"As long as we don't do any makeovers, yes." Lili answered readily, smiling as Milla laughed at the joke. The Brazilian woman drifted over to Lili now. "I'll get you one of these days, sweetie. Just you wait." Her wink was playful, warm- it made Lili feel relaxed.

The redhead waved a hand, her lips quirking into a playful smirk now. "I'll start waiting now then." Sasha bid the pair goodbye, leaving with his coffee in tow. Lili and Milla shared a good laugh at Eddie arriving just as Sasha was leaving. The two men shared a quick greeting peck, before Eddie came into the house as Sasha left it.

"Looks like my timin' is real off today." Eddie jokes casually as he sets his duffle bag down on the kitchen table. He let his hair loose from its bun now, smiling a little ruefully. Eddie tucked his hair tie and sweat bands into the bag as he spoke. "I thought finishin' my work out early would mean I'd get to see a bit more of Mr. Busy-Man."

"One day you'll catch up with your dream man, darling. Today just isn't that day." Eddie snorted at Milla's words, giving the woman a playful nudge before grabbing his duffle bag once again. "Smart ass. I'll be back in a sec."

"Want any coffee?" Lili offered with an arch of her brow. She didn't want any coffee, but knew Eddie would be all over it. The guy practically lived off of coffee at times.

Just as she expected the large man perked up at the offer smiling brightly. "Yeah, if you guys got anymore, I'll need it after today's session." He hefted his bag's straps over his shoulder. "Just one spoonful of sugar at most." With that he walked further into the house, towards his and Sasha's bedroom.

"Good to know someone doesn't just drink pure sugar in place of coffee here." Milla mused with a laugh as Lili grabbed a mug to set up Eddie's drink. Besides Milla, Eddie had the easiest coffee to prepare out of anyone. Raz and Sasha both enjoyed sugary coffee that would rot out anyone's teeth. Lili had no idea how either of them handled it. Once she was finished she set it aside, knowing it would be fine on the countertop.

"Next week you're with me, darling. We need that girl time." Milla stated warmly. Lili couldn't object, it was about time she saw more of Milla. Lili had to smile a little. "Did you want to do anything in particular?"

"Relaxing mostly. Maybe helping you find an apartment of your own if you'd like. No offense to Razputin of course, but his apartment is hardly big enough for both of you. He's just as bad as Sasha when it comes to living in a shoe box."

"This place isn't too bad." Lili answered with a shrug. The vague nostalgia she had for this place wasn't helping her judgement she knew that much. "Before you were born, he lived in a much smaller cramped studio, darling. It was like pulling teeth to get that man to move."

"Raz _was_ kinda used to living in a caravan before this." She could see why he'd want to stick to familiar surroundings in a way. "He might like less space?"

"Still. You both need a good place to start over together. We'll just browse a little. Maybe find a reason to stop and find some clothing for you if you'd like."

Lili glanced down at her hand-me downs, wincing a little. Yeah she was kind of wearing Sasha's 'big' clothes at this point. Given Sasha was a living stick it wasn't the best on certain parts of her. "Okay, shopping- yes. Just nothing crazy. I'm going to keep gaining weight back."

"We'll find things you'll look good in and not be too heart broken to let go of." Milla promised, reaching out to gently pat Lili's shoulder. "Trust me, sweetie. I want to make things easier for you. You've had enough hard times so far."

Whether she was going to retire from Psychonauts once this was all over still hung in the air. Lili knew it was something she hadn't decided on. Some bitter part of her reasoned she should have just opened a florist shop or something…

"Yeah." She agreed rather weakly. "A break is- good." It barely felt like she was on a break now, with all the weird shit her mind was doing now.

Milla gently set her mug down, her expression sobered now. Bubbly energy draining for something serious and sad. "I'm sorry this is happening, Lili. Truly. I- if Sasha and I had both been with you…"

Lili groaned a little, head tipping back as she threw her hands in the air. "Are both of you going to keep beating yourselves up over it?"

"Yes." Milla could deadpan just as well as Sasha, she squeezed Lili's shoulder gently. Her hand only dropping away after a moment of lingering. "We trained you, we've practically had a hand in raising you. How could we not, Lili?"

"Because shit happens, Milla. Because you can't control everything ever." Lili sighed openly, shooting the older woman a glance. "Don't become Sasha. He's been wallowing in this for years."

"It's fairly obvious, isn't it?" Milla's smile was sad, if not amused at Lili's response. She coaxed a gloved hand through her hair.

"If there is one thing Sasha does, its dwell. Aggressively dwell until he's made himself a wreck."

"The Nein Way." Milla laughed in kind, "Even so, I want to make sure you're happy. I want you to feel better." She opened her arms, a wordless invitation for a hug. "I want to make things safe again for you."

Lili hesitated, but found herself stepping into the embrace. She returned it in kind, wrapping her arms around Milla now. "Thanks."

###

Eddie swung back into the kitchen freshly clean fairly after a few minutes, plucking up his coffee with a 'thank you' as he disappeared into the garage attached to the house.

Milla simply snorted shaking her head. "Men and their toys."

"It's a hobby. Keeps him out of trouble at least." Lili agreed with a shrug, finishing off her water and setting the glass by the sink. "Ugh, I should shower. I probably stink."

The Brazilian woman huffed fondly in kind, giving Lili a slight nudge. "Then go take a shower, sweetie. I can entertain myself just fine. Not the first time I've had to keep myself busy."

"You hugged me whilst I stank. You _are_ a saint." Lili called back jokingly as she left the kitchen. Milla's response was lost in the shift deeper into the house. Lili grabbed a change of clothes from her bedroom, a tank top, shorts and various needed undergarments, before ducking into the bathroom. With no preamble Lili locked the door behind herself, moving to start up the water. Once it was the temperature she liked she stripped down.

She dropped her cellphone and dirty clothing on the bathroom counter. Her shoes were kicked off by the door for now. Lili stepped into the shower readily, exhaling a little.

With Raz eventually coming over, Lili maybe wanted to smell nice. Just maybe. She had to laugh a little to herself as she poured some shampoo into her palm, starting to lather up her hair. It hadn't grown out as much as she had wanted, but it was longer than before. She felt more like herself the longer it grew out.

Washing up didn't take very long thankfully. She slid into her new clothes and back into her sneakers, leaving a towel around her shoulders as she left the bathroom. Lili could hear Milla bustling around the kitchen still, Eddie was in the garage, she could hear his stereo player blaring from here.

Things were peaceful, nice even. Lil exhaled softly as she started drying her hair out. Bare feet padding across the tiled floors as she smiled a little.

Her gaze drifted across the hallway, stopping at a picture just slightly askew. Lili paused, her dirty laundry tucked under her arm suddenly felt… heavy. The air felt strangely uncomfortable.

The redhead exhaled slowly, walking back the way she came without taking her eyes off that picture, uncertainty rattling her mind as she chucked her clothing into the bathroom haphazardly. Her instincts were going crazy now. Even the most dulled instincts from her time with suppressed powers were spiked in alarm. She glanced back over her shoulder, finally calling out. "Milla!"

The sound of a crash echoed from the garage, the stereo must have fallen given the music started to warble and warp. The heavy metal guitars sounding like they were melting. The fine hairs on the back of Lili's neck stood on end as she nearly stumbled over her own feet. The wet pads of her feet didn't offer much traction on the tiles as she pressed forward.

The power sputtering out overhead only made that wrongness grow stronger. That finally silenced the music, leaving the house suddenly quiet. Lili's mind reached out fumbling to try and feel anything, at best she could feel the bright star of Milla's mind nearby. Even the weakest psychic could feel Milla, so it didn't offer her much.

"Lili? Eddie?" Milla's voice carried through the house. Lili was more than happy to follow that sound.

She collided into Milla in the doorway between the kitchen and hall. The two women both harried enough to nearly bowl each other over. The Brazilian woman blinked in surprise, steadying Lili in her grasp, concern written across her features. "Something is wrong." Lili choked out before Milla could even ask.

Milla's lips curved into a sharp frown, tension settling on her shoulders. "Stay with me."

Lili nodded, trying to steady her heart in her chest. Something felt horribly wrong. "We need to find Eddie."

"Yes." Milla agreed, reluctantly motioning Lili to move forward out of the doorway. "We need to go to the garage, now." Milla clearly didn't want Lili to go first, but had no choice given the size of the house.

Lili did a hasty retreat, squishing back against the wall nearest her to let Milla take the lead. Any other time Lili would second guess herself or insist on being in front. The power went out, Eddie knocked over his dumb stereo whilst goofing around in the garage, it's not the end of the world or anything.

 _Yet_.

 _Yet_.

 _ **Yet**_.

Something was wrong.

The sound of a car revving up startled both women, hurrying them towards the garage. Milla wrenched the door inside of the house leading to the garage open. "Eddie-?" The sight before them stunned both women silent.

The hispanic man in question was seated in the drivers seat, struggling to kick another man out of his car. He was half in the drivers seat, half in the passenger's, hands fumbling with a wrench to block a knife "Fuck off!" The camo-print clad man struggled with Eddie, trying to actively stab the roadie who was doing his best to fend him off.

Milla's expression turned serious, a hand flew to her forehead almost immediately. The man was yanked out of car entirely being held aloft less than gracefully. The man with the knife yelped in shock, whipping around the best he could in Milla's grasp shooting off mental bullets.

Lili jerked forward, surprised by the rush of power through her as she shielded herself and Milla. The pink shield was almost delicate, but held against a rapid continuation of bullets. Eddie swore loudly ducking into his car at the bullets ricocheting across his garage, denting the walls and pinging out into the front yard. Milla flicked a shield over Sasha's boyfriend as she flung the man forward through the air. At best his bullets would mean nothing without a real target to aim for, not that he seemed to care. More mental bullets rained through the tight space of the garage. Eddie swore loudly again, flipping the man off from where he was under his shield.

Lili held the shield, gripping at the wood of the opened door as Milla stepped forward away from the doorway. "You and I are going to have a long talk." She stated slowly, even without seeing her face Lili could hear how mad Milla was.

Arms wrapping suddenly around her waist took Lili completely by surprise. The red head yelped, her shield dropping completely around Milla as she was dragged back. She lost her footing completely unable to right herself. The grip was tight, uncomfortably so, fingers digging into her sides uncaring if bruises were left in their wake.

"Here you are." The voice sent a chill through Lili's spine. The grip tightened as he pulled her further back "Little sugar blossom, you shouldn't have left."

"You-" She snarls, the terror being doused by _anger_. All the fear she once carried could not survive the flood of her rage. "Bastard!" Obedience beaten into her has been thrown away.

"Is that any way to speak to your father?" Alexander Paquin laughed back at her, smug as he grabbed a fistful of her hair now. Lili winced struggling against his hold. "Look at you. Disgraceful failure of a Psychonaut."

"Fuck off!" She hissed back at him. Her hands flew upwards clawing at him. The man cursed as nails made contact with his skin. She managed to shift enough to have room to swing a punch at him, it connected with enough force to break his hold. Lili wretched herself free, relieved she had enough strength to actually do anything.

Lili stumbled back, back hitting a wall as Alexander righted himself. He was cocky, smug even with the slight scratches that drew blood on his face. "Pathetic. Still the same attitude even now? Even after we broke you?"

"Better than being a coward." Lili stated slowly, straightening to her full height. "You could only hurt someone when they can't defend themselves. You're a coward, Alex. A _coward_. A little boy who can't find one psychic terrorist cell who wants him."

That strikes a nerve, Lili can see it in Paquin's face. His expression darkens almost immediately. Lili makes a slow come at me motion with her hand. Alexander doesn't need much encouragement to launch himself forward at the thin woman. He forgoes any psychic ability to throw a punch. The forty-eight year old man moved fairly quickly given his size. He's taller than her by a few inches at most, 6'7. His bull rush is only cut off by a sudden barrage of mind bullets pinging through the open doorway of the garage.

The man rears back angrily, distracted from Lili now to glower into the garage. "God damn it! Watch your aim, Hotdog!" A brief glance back on her part reveals Milla isn't facing just one opponent any longer. It's become three. Eddie's finally up and out of the car, hefting a fairly huge wrench taking some swings of his own.

"Sorry, Papi!" The man in camo-print calls out apologetically from the garage. Milla says something in Portuguese that Lili winces at a little. Even without knowing the words, Lili can feel the heat in them. She uses the lull to move further away from the door, giving herself some space to maneuver.

"Where are you going sugar?" Alexander sneers, he slams the garage door closed effectively blocking her from Milla's line of sight or help. So much for her plan of ducking back in there. "You can't keep running from your fate."

"What is my fate exactly? To be bored to death by your constant chatter?" She threw back almost haughtily. Lili could see from the way the man's eyes twitched he didn't want to see her like this. He wanted broken, he wanted frightened.

He wasn't going to get any of that. He never was going to get it again. Lili's hand clenched into a fist at her side, eyes narrowing as Alexander came at her. She knew she couldn't knock the guy on his ass like she used to be able to, but she could improvise.

Her free hand found a picture frame, she whipped it around as the man got into her personal space smashing the glass and wood into his face. The large man reeled back, swearing loudly as he was bombarded by another decorative knick-knack off of the table near the garage door, and another. She was keeping some distance between them, giving herself time to think.

It took Lili a second to realize her hands weren't the only thing grabbing items off the walls and table anymore. Her psychic powers burned through her, rising to the surface and bombarding the man with the debris and furniture nearby. He swore sinking back trying to escape her attack. Given the tight space of the hallway he had nowhere to go. "God damn bitch!" Snarled the man batting some back at her. Lili winced, but continued, ignoring the occasional item hitting her in turn. The lack of space meant she had no real cover of her own.

The door snapped open- Milla stepping through wordlessly. Her expression was sharp, angry, likely to kill a man on contact. "Darling, can I?"

Lili nodded mutely, managing to wrangle her abilities long enough for Milla to sweep in, without the sudden rain of items and debris Alexander Paquin attempted to launch himself at Lili only to find himself yanked back by Milla. The dark skinned woman's hands tightened around his collar bodily throwing him into a wall. Her elbow connected with his wind pipe.

"You've made a grave error today." Milla hissed lowly, Lili could feel her own skin crawling off of her body in terror. She could only guessing Milla's expression up close was even worse. "You'll regret this moment for the rest of your life."

The way the man went pale only proved Lili's assumption. She barely blinked before her kidnapper was flung through the air like a rag doll, dragging across the ceiling and being thrown out of the door Milla had come through. The woman followed almost casually out, heels clicking in the silence. The sound of a body hitting the ground hard was hard to miss. Lili winced openly.

Lili fumbled to catch up, wincing when her bare feet made contact with glass. "Of course. Great." She did her best to gingerly step around any other pieces as she moved back towards the doorway. The garage was a mess, whatever fight had happened within had knocked almost everything over, scattering tools, old storage and the like on the floor. Paquin's other men were boneless bundles hanging from the side of the garage walls. Lili winced a little able to tell once Eddie had gotten out of the car he had done some helpful work of his own on them. The hispanic man was pressed against the back wall for cover knowing to stay out of the psychic fight entirely.

She squeaked ducking back out of the doorway as mental bullets shot out, bouncing around the inside of the garage once again. The yelps and groans of various men showed Paquin hadn't even considered his own men's safety when shooting. Eddie managed to avoid being hit by pure chance. Milla and Paquin floated around each other, shooting at one another and deflecting attacks.

A psychic battle was taking place on the front lawn and Lili was kind of stuck debating what to do. She eyed a wrench, grabbing it with telekinesis and chucking it out through the open garage door. Even if she hadn't used her telekinesis in awhile, her aim proved true enough, as the wrench stuck Paquin. He swore, shooting off another mind bullet in her direction, not that his aim was all that true. As it struck Eddie's car. "Hey, watch it, fuckoid!" Eddie hollered out at the psychic terrorist. "I just finished fixin' this up!"

Alexander Paquin yelled something in another language, given the tone Lili could guess it wasn't anything flattering. He shot another few mind bullets striking the car once again, as well as some of his men. His mind bullet had the misfortune of hitting the wrong place in the car taking it out of park.

His distraction was enough for Milla to slam him into the ground of the driveway. Eddie scrambled out of cover, attempting to get into his car and stop it. He managed to get in the drivers seat, but slammed onto the pedal. The hot rod raced down the driveway in reverse.

"Oh fuck." Lill swore, darting forward to grab at the car now. "Milla!"

Her name being called was more than enough for Milla to dart out of the way as the car drove backwards. Paquin didn't get the message in time as a very large hot rod ran him over. The wet crunch and scream was hard to miss.

"Holy fuck!" Eddie managed to keep it reversing back, fumbling with the car until he had it parked a few feet away in the middle of the street. "Fuck, fuck!" He stumbled out of the drivers seat wild eyed. "I didn't-?"

"You're fine. He's alive." Milla stated, her voice calm and cool given the partially flattened but alive man in front of them. Lili winced a little, her gut churning uncomfortably. Paquin groaned wetly, unable to rise from where he lay. He was lucky his head hadn't been in the way of the car's wheels. The trio only looked away from the injured psychic terrorist at the sound of sirens in the distance.

"Looks like one of the neighbors called 911." Eddie mused tiredly, rubbing at his face. "Christ. This is a disaster."

"I wouldn't be surprised." Milla mused idly, her expression was carefully blank. Lili knew well enough it was practiced to for these kind of situations. "You called Sasha, correct?"

Eddie nodded now, expression grim. "He and Raz are on their way." True to his word Lili could see Sasha's car growing closer and closer. It was flanked by several other cars.

"Here come the Psychonauts."


End file.
